*sigh*

The class I was taking is now over, (got an A! I am so smart!), while the class I am teaching has three weeks to go. The book I was helping write with some colleagues earlier is currently sitting patiently, awaiting the next round of revisions (and a bit more writing). I have a stack of papers that need to be graded asap. And my muse has me working on my young adult novel, which although I do not have a publisher or agent or…. Heck, even a title, at this point, I still plan to finish. After all, we’re about six weeks away from Tina’s due date, and I know I’ve got an audience in Moon Pie even if I’m never published.

I have lost my blogging mojo, and I think I know why. I have too many other things to write, and I’m afraid this blog, my wonderful hobby which I’m still not officially giving up, has slipped down the ladder of priorities.

Things are busy. I’m still going to Weight Watchers, even though I have yet again abandoned points and have gone to just simply counting calories. Why am I going to Weight Watchers if I’m not following Weight Watchers? Two reasons. One, I like the weekly accountability of a weigh-in. Two, even if I don’t count points, I still feel like Weight Watchers is a good program that emphasizes (somewhat) healthy eating. (Granted, I don’t like WW food, but my leader doesn’t push it on us at all.) And three, I’m going to support my mom.

My mother is doing amazingly on Weight Watchers. She’s already earned her 5%.

And I’ve made a big decision. I may regret it later, but for the next few months, I’m doing this.

I’m not weighing in anymore on the blog. I’ll mention my milestones here, but that’s it. I actually felt stressed out at my last meeting, where I had a significant gain, at the prospect of coming on here and sharing that number. I felt like a failure.

I wasn’t a failure. I’m not a failure.

And until I can work through my scale issues, I’m not weighing in on the blog. I think I’ll post a weekly picture instead, so next week, you’ll see me (fully clothed – I’m not comfortable enough to join the Exposed movement just yet). I feel like my appearance is a better indicator of my weight loss anyway.

Some people might say that if I’m uncomfortable about posting numbers, that’s all the more reason to do it. Maybe, but I’m working through this at my speed, and right now, this is what I feel is best for me.

I’m going to the very strict calories in/calories out formula.

I’ve calculated my BMR at roughly 3300 calories.

I’m shooting for a daily target of 1800 to 2300 calories. This SHOULD equal two to three pounds of weight loss a week.

I sometimes look back over this blog with shame. When I started blogging, I weighed around 330. What good has the last few years done me?

But thoughts like that do me no good. I’m not dead yet, so there’s still time to fix the big picture.

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12-31-13 - 412.0
1-3-14 - 407.0 (-5.0 pounds total)