Weight Loss

Find Your Real Happy

I’ve been feeling really, really good lately.

Some of it is the wonderful new addition to my family. (Seven weeks old today, in fact.)

But despite how happy Moon Pie makes me, I have to also say… he’s not why I’m doing this. He was in the beginning, but I’ve recently moved away from that. That makes me stronger, and it’s going to give me the momentum to take this through to the end.

I know this is a permanent change. I’ve been working on my happiness. I’ve been working on feeling that I DESERVE my happiness.

I know there is a fat acceptance movement out there.

I don’t necessarily like it. (Stay with me – I’ve got a point here.)

Fat is unhealthy. It is. The end.

Now, if the fat acceptance movement is about woman accepting that they can be beautiful, healthy people at a size 14/16 and that they don’t need to be a size 4/6 (or smaller), then I heartily endorse that. If it’s about men realizing they can still be amazing and fit without having six pack abs, then sign me up.

Heck, I even endorse the notion that the fat acceptance movement is to create a society that is more accepting and kinder toward fat people. Awesome. We need that.

But a lot of the fat acceptance posts and blogs I have seen are more about celebrating being obese, no matter what someone else thinks.

I like the “no matter what someone else thinks” part. That’s vitally important.

But obesity is not okay. And I speak this as a temporarily morbidly obese person. It has to change. I cannot live my life to the fullest if I am carrying around the weight of a fully grown man on top of my normal weight.

There are as many reasons for why someone became obese as there are obese people in the world.

I really do believe the first step to losing weight AND being happy is two-fold. Step one, determine why you became obese in the first place. Step two, truly convince yourself that you are worth your own happiness (and not in a fake ‘I can do this!’ way but a for-real ‘this is why I am freaking worth it’).

Find your real happy.

I’m not saying it’s easy. For me, it involved a lot of introspection, therapeutic journaling, and soul searching; the process was among the most difficult that I have ever endured.

But it was so unbelievably worth it, and I can’t wait to see what the future holds.

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A Surprisingly Hard Weigh-In Post

I’m okay with the number on the scale. It’s going slow, but it’s going down. I’m still fine tuning my diet, and even though it is VERY slow going, I really do feel confident that I’m going to discover the magic number of points for me to eat to accelerate up to two pounds a week, consistently.

Date: November 3, 2012
Weight: 364.2
Change from Last Week: -0.8 pounds
Change from Highest: -38.6 pounds

I’m feeling stronger literally every day. I now take the stairs at work. The elevator is a distant memory. It’s a nice feeling.

While I’m not quite strong enough to progress with Body Revolution, I did like the idea that I knew, every day, what I was doing. As a result, I made up my own exercise calendar for November. I even built in a few rest days. It gives me a great deal of satisfaction to both just cross off my workout for the day AND not have to decide what I’m in the mood for. I just look at the calendar, see what I scheduled, and do it.

So why is this a surprisingly hard post for me to write?

On October 30th, I got a package in the mail. It’s a weight loss reward. When I get below a certain number, then I get to “keep” it. The package in question was a Blue Power Ranger Hoodie. Don’t judge; it’s awesome.

As a special treat, the manufacturers included a Blue Power Ranger T-Shirt, for free. It was sized the same as the hoodie, 2X.

I typically wear a 3X shirt, but sometimes, 2X fits.

I had the great idea to take a picture of myself wearing the shirt for a once-monthly visual representation of my weight loss. I want to see how my body changes as it gets smaller.

What I wasn’t expecting was the intense reaction from seeing my body in an unflattering, too-small t-shirt from three different angles.

I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t happy for a while.

And then, I relied on some of the various coping strategies that I’ve fostered, several of which I’ve literally developed and created in the last few months.

And I came to terms with it. This is my body. This is what it looks like.

This body is strong. This body carries me through the day. I’ve done a lot of damage to this body, and it still keeps me going. I’m taking care of this body now. Soon, my outer person will match my inner strength.

Best of all, this body helped my wife and I create the best thing that ever happened to us.

But for now, I post this picture without hesitation. This is who I am, unflattering angles, lopsided belly, male muffin top, and all.

Because I am so much more than my body.

And I’m now realizing I should have renamed this post. This wasn’t that hard to post after all. Thanks for reading.

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Body Revolution #2 Weigh-In

I weigh in on Saturdays at Weight Watchers. I had planned to consistently post my weigh-in each Wednesday.

Well, that hasn’y happened, so I’m just going to say that I plan to weigh in SOMETIME during the week. And because I missed last week, I owe you two weigh-ins this week.

Date: October 20, 2012
Weight: 366.2
Change from Last Week: -1.0 pounds
Change from Highest: -36.6 pounds

Date: October 27, 2012
Weight: 365.0
Change from Last Week: -1.2 pounds
Change from Highest: -37.8 pounds

Is a pound a week game changing?

No.

Is it sustainable? Am I losing weight?

Yes.

So therefore, I’ll take it. I AM about to start chiseling away at my points. I’m being MUCH more careful with my fruits, but I’m probably still take in too many calories. I’m going to shave two points off per day next week and see if it makes a difference.

Part of it may be (seriously) that I’ve put on a touch of muscle with Body Revolution. I’ve definitely toned up. I can feel more strength in my legs, and I can feel a big change in my biceps (underneath the fat that coats them).

I write this, having finished Weeks 1 and 2 of Body Revolution, and I have a big change to my workout that I must make.

The first two weeks started off tough but doable. By the end of week two, they were, dare I say it, easy.

That said, I tried Workout #3, and I had to make so many modifications, I am not comfortable progressing.

Yet.

I am not throwing in the towel, but I am also not proceeding with her schedule. And yet, workouts 1 and 2 are now a bit too easy for me. So, my game plan?

I’m going to do them each once a week at a higher intensity (all challenging moves, heavier weights, et cetera), and I am going to do two body weight workouts on my own. I like the progress I am making and I want to keep moving forward, but my body needs more than Workouts 1 and 2 but it isn’t ready yet for Workouts 3 and 4.

It sucks. I wish I was more fit. But I’m not quitting. I’m just going more slowly than some people.

One aspect of Body Revolution that I do get to keep doing for two more weeks?

Cardio 1.

Holy crap. Jillian Michaels is an evil monster (and I love her for it).

This is truthfully the hardest 30 minutes of cardio I have EVER done.

I’ll be honest; it’s a little boring. But it is NOT easy.

Especially suicides. If that didn’t send my psyche screaming back to 8th grade PE, nothing will.

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A No Starches at Dinner Weigh-In

Another week, another successful weigh-in!

June 23, 2012
Weight: 354.2
Change from Last Week: -1.8 pounds
Change from Highest: -48.6 pounds

Next week, I hope to crush the 50 pounds target. Granted, that’s from my highest weight, but still… it’s crazy to think how tired I would be if I walked around with a fifty pound weight on my back all the time.

I want to see if there are some simple things I can do to accelerate fat loss. I’ve heard some people say that if you cut out starchy carbs after mid-afternoon, that can speed it up. I want to do this one for two reasons.

One, I need to eat WAY more vegetables. I just don’t like vegetables, but I’m about to be a dad and I have to be a good role model, so… more veggies it is. Last night for dinner, we had tenderloin, creamed spinach, and tomatoes. It tasted good and it had to have been good for my body.

And two, my joints are starting to ache a little bit again, and I’m wondering if I’m going too whole-hog on the grains front. I’m going to limit them again and see if it helps. I’m still having nerve pain flare ups which I am blaming on the aspartame withdrawal symptoms, and that leads me to believe that it may be affecting my joints, too. Regardless, eating more vegetables will be good for me, no matter what the end result is.

Oh, and perhaps most importantly – this is something I am going to do “in general.” I’m not going to give myself any hard and fast rules. I’ll still enjoy the occasional slice (or two) of pizza and we’ll still have spaghetti on occasion. I’m just saying that I’m going to limit my dinner-time starches, not remove them completely.

Let’s see how it goes.

And as I’ve mentioned, my mother is doing Weight Watchers with me. I’m very proud of her, because she is crushing me! We’re not competing, and it’s a good thing, because if we were, I’d have already been left in the dust. She’s lost over ten pounds in the last three weeks!

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A Measure Yourself Weigh-In

Have you ever had a week where you just felt like you hadn’t really that well? I did. I tracked all my food, I measured all of my portions, but I just did not feel like I had lost weight. I just didn’t feel it.

On Saturday morning, before my weigh-in, I got out my tape measure and I measured myself.

I measured my chest, waist, thigh, bicep, calf, and neck. Except for my neck, I lost something on every body part.

In just one week.

So even if I gained, I went to my meeting happy, because I could care less what the scale says. It’s about having a smaller body and being healthier.

June 14, 2012
Weight: 356.0
Change from Last Week: -0.6 pounds
Change from Highest: -46.8 pounds

Woo hoo! I actually DID lose some weight, and I lost inches, and I’m very close to getting below 50 pounds lost.

All around, I am thrilled.

So, the moral of this week? Measure yourself. Because there will be weeks where the scale doesn’t move but the inches do and vice versa, and it’s nice to have an extra layer of weight loss measurement.

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Weigh-Ins
12-31-13 - 412.0
1-3-14 - 407.0 (-5.0 pounds total)