Find Your Real Happy

I’ve been feeling really, really good lately.

Some of it is the wonderful new addition to my family. (Seven weeks old today, in fact.)

But despite how happy Moon Pie makes me, I have to also say… he’s not why I’m doing this. He was in the beginning, but I’ve recently moved away from that. That makes me stronger, and it’s going to give me the momentum to take this through to the end.

I know this is a permanent change. I’ve been working on my happiness. I’ve been working on feeling that I DESERVE my happiness.

I know there is a fat acceptance movement out there.

I don’t necessarily like it. (Stay with me – I’ve got a point here.)

Fat is unhealthy. It is. The end.

Now, if the fat acceptance movement is about woman accepting that they can be beautiful, healthy people at a size 14/16 and that they don’t need to be a size 4/6 (or smaller), then I heartily endorse that. If it’s about men realizing they can still be amazing and fit without having six pack abs, then sign me up.

Heck, I even endorse the notion that the fat acceptance movement is to create a society that is more accepting and kinder toward fat people. Awesome. We need that.

But a lot of the fat acceptance posts and blogs I have seen are more about celebrating being obese, no matter what someone else thinks.

I like the “no matter what someone else thinks” part. That’s vitally important.

But obesity is not okay. And I speak this as a temporarily morbidly obese person. It has to change. I cannot live my life to the fullest if I am carrying around the weight of a fully grown man on top of my normal weight.

There are as many reasons for why someone became obese as there are obese people in the world.

I really do believe the first step to losing weight AND being happy is two-fold. Step one, determine why you became obese in the first place. Step two, truly convince yourself that you are worth your own happiness (and not in a fake ‘I can do this!’ way but a for-real ‘this is why I am freaking worth it’).

Find your real happy.

I’m not saying it’s easy. For me, it involved a lot of introspection, therapeutic journaling, and soul searching; the process was among the most difficult that I have ever endured.

But it was so unbelievably worth it, and I can’t wait to see what the future holds.

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A Surprisingly Hard Weigh-In Post

I’m okay with the number on the scale. It’s going slow, but it’s going down. I’m still fine tuning my diet, and even though it is VERY slow going, I really do feel confident that I’m going to discover the magic number of points for me to eat to accelerate up to two pounds a week, consistently.

Date: November 3, 2012
Weight: 364.2
Change from Last Week: -0.8 pounds
Change from Highest: -38.6 pounds

I’m feeling stronger literally every day. I now take the stairs at work. The elevator is a distant memory. It’s a nice feeling.

While I’m not quite strong enough to progress with Body Revolution, I did like the idea that I knew, every day, what I was doing. As a result, I made up my own exercise calendar for November. I even built in a few rest days. It gives me a great deal of satisfaction to both just cross off my workout for the day AND not have to decide what I’m in the mood for. I just look at the calendar, see what I scheduled, and do it.

So why is this a surprisingly hard post for me to write?

On October 30th, I got a package in the mail. It’s a weight loss reward. When I get below a certain number, then I get to “keep” it. The package in question was a Blue Power Ranger Hoodie. Don’t judge; it’s awesome.

As a special treat, the manufacturers included a Blue Power Ranger T-Shirt, for free. It was sized the same as the hoodie, 2X.

I typically wear a 3X shirt, but sometimes, 2X fits.

I had the great idea to take a picture of myself wearing the shirt for a once-monthly visual representation of my weight loss. I want to see how my body changes as it gets smaller.

What I wasn’t expecting was the intense reaction from seeing my body in an unflattering, too-small t-shirt from three different angles.

I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t happy for a while.

And then, I relied on some of the various coping strategies that I’ve fostered, several of which I’ve literally developed and created in the last few months.

And I came to terms with it. This is my body. This is what it looks like.

This body is strong. This body carries me through the day. I’ve done a lot of damage to this body, and it still keeps me going. I’m taking care of this body now. Soon, my outer person will match my inner strength.

Best of all, this body helped my wife and I create the best thing that ever happened to us.

But for now, I post this picture without hesitation. This is who I am, unflattering angles, lopsided belly, male muffin top, and all.

Because I am so much more than my body.

And I’m now realizing I should have renamed this post. This wasn’t that hard to post after all. Thanks for reading.

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Week #1 Weigh-In

Tina and I both still have our birth stories to write about Moon Pie’s entry into our family. Those will be coming soon, but for today, I wanted to share my weight.

I am presenting my weight without judgment. In the weeks leading up to his birth and the two weeks AFTER his birth, my eating and exercise plans went straight out the window. Some aspects of his birth were a bit stressful, and I found myself eating for comfort on a few occasions. And after he was born and I found myself sleep deprived, I ended up eating a bit more than I might have otherwise.

So it’s not pretty. The weight is up. But it is what it is, and I’ve got this handsome little face to encourage me to keep losing weight. After all, I have to make sure I’m around long enough to take care of him.

Week #1
Date: October 6, 2012
Weight: 368.2
Change from Highest: -34.6 pounds

Weight is definitely up. A bunch. As in twentyish pounds over the last two months.

I often feel like a weight loss blogger failure, because my weight is all over the place. And yet, even though I have dabbled in it, I can’t make the shift away to just a fitness blogger, because I HAVE to lose weight, not just increase my fitness. I’m rebranding my weight loss to Week #1.

I have to get this ship going in the right direction.

I’m working on it, from a mental health standpoint.

Have I ever shared here that I used to work in mental health? I’ve got a degree in Psychology, more professional development trainings in counseling and mental health than I can count, and yet… when it comes to losing weight myself… I’m often a bit of a train wreck. Well, no longer. I am going to use the strategies that I have used with my clients in the past on myself.

I can do this.

I will do this.

I have to do this, because it’s not just about me anymore.

I have a family I have to protect.

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Husband and Wife Blogging Team

Looking back at last year’s summer, I found that I blogged through the spring, took a significant break over the summer, and resumed blogging in the fall.

I’ve heard many Expert Bloggers say that you should have a brand. If you want your blog to be big, you need a niche.


I have no delusions that my blog will ever be big. I don’t blog consistently enough. I’m completely okay with just occupying my tiny corner of the internet and spewing forth my ramblings.

Last week as we were driving to Tina’s midwife appointment (baby could come literally at any day now), I made the comment that I wished I blogged more. Tina made the same comment, as she has a blog that is even more neglected than mine.

And with that, we had our great idea.

We’re going to blog together. I’m sure there are other husband/wife blogger teams out there, and we are joining their ranks.

So, do we have a niche? Do we have a brand?

Nah, not really.

So, if you don’t know my wife and didn’t know she had a blog, then know that she is into fitness (and is also in training to become a personal trainer, post-baby), healthy eating, splurge-y eating, photography, and crafts. Oh Lord, is she ever into crafts.

I continue to be into geeky things.

And we’re both interested in documenting just the various things about our lives. I’m sure you’ll probably see more posts about our baby than anyone but us will be interested in.

I’m going to slowly merge some of her posts here. Since I had a slightly larger readership than she did, we’re going to keep Stellar Path as our blog name and address.

Once she’s had the baby and is ready to lose the baby weight, we’re going to weigh in together, too. My weight is still dropping; I lost twenty(ish) pounds this summer, and I am thrilled! I’m not going to post my weight again until we’re blogging together, and our first weigh-in together will probably be late October or early November.

I hope you’ll stick with us. Stellar Path is primarily going to be focused on our lives, as we try to become as healthy a family together as we can.

This is Tina, 38 weeks and 5 days pregnant…

And a similar silhouette picture of me, unpregnant but shrinking (so it’s good to have a baseline photo)… And dang, I look bald in side profile.

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I am not dead yet

I’m not dead, I promise!

I’m just tremendously, tremendously tired.

And not for health reasons. My health is going great. I’ve had two great weigh-ins in a row. (I’ll post about them very soon, I promise.)

It’s work. And work is still fine, just busy. I’ve written about 40,000 words at work over the past four weeks. When you write that much on the job, (or at least when I do), I have no energy to write when I get home.

I’m abandoning my daily schedule. I’d love nothing more than to be a daily blogger, but for me and my dinky blog, it just doesn’t pay the bills. Even a little bit. I’m still going to post all those things, but just when I feel like it. I hope to resume to being a twice or thrice weekly blogger.

So, not dead, still here, just tired, but losing weight.

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12-31-13 - 412.0
1-3-14 - 407.0 (-5.0 pounds total)