Disclaimer: Ah, yes, the great disclaimer. Now, here's the reason the disclaimer is here. Saban. Saban owns PR. K. A. Applegate owns Animorphs. Katherine Alice (a.k.a. Kat) is my muse.
Author's Note: Well, well, well. What do you know? I've written another spoof! One I had a blast writing, may I add. Let me point a few things out before you go any further. 1) This is a SPOOF. A SPOOF. Written for satirical and strange purposes. Please don't flame me, this was meant to be funny. 2) I owe Red (PRRed1) a thanks for the title. *wink* as well as Cat and TJ. Partially for the title, but mostly, just because. You two's late night chats helped inspirationally. *grin* 3) Like I said before. THIS IS A SPOOF!! Thanks for reading, and enjoy! =^-^=

Why? Because It's THERE!
by Trelliah




(In a library similar to that in Masterpiece Theater sits a girl wearing a lavender purple Cherokee sweatshirt, overalls, and lavender purple Chuck Taylor AllStars. On her shoulder is a tiny gryphon.)

Trelliah: Good evening. My name is Trelliah. This is my muse, Katherine Alice. *gestures to the small, golden and brown gryphon perched on her shoulder.

Kat: Tonight, we bring to you a true spoof with no real purpose. A spoof that has no real meaning, except to make you laugh.

Tre: So, grab some popcorn, sit back, and enjoy. Oh, and please forward all thoughts to ceejay@io.com Thank you.

Kat: And now, we present....wait. Wait a minute. Am I getting paid to do this?

Tre: Kat, this is really not the time.

Kat: I know, but am I getting paid? *impatient look*

Tre: *sighs* No. But I'm not either. It's just something that comes with writing fanfics.

Kat: Then why write fanfics? Why bother spoofing anything if you don't get paid.

Tre: Kat. We, the authors, write stories about TV shows and books. Because they're there. You, the muses, harass authors, their parakeets, and inspire the authors through the worst of writer's block. Because we're here. So why do you think we - you and I, muse and author - wrote this and did some serious spoofage?

Kat: *gasps* BECAUSE IT'S THERE!!!

Tre: EXACTLY!! Now, on with the show!!!


Act I


Setting: Mirinoi
Parody of: N/A
Characters: Ashley, Andros, Cassie, Carlos, Damon, Kai, Karone, Kendrix, Maya, Mike, Leo, TJ

TJ and Carlos: *singing in unison* Weeee're off to visit Mirinoi, the male fantasy dream come true! We hear there are lots of half-dressed babes--

Ashley: Would you all shut up?! You sound like a bunch of hormonal fifteen year old boys.

Carlos: So what? Andros looks like a carbon-copy of a Hanson brother, I still live with my parents, and Zhane never got through puberty....

Ashley and Cassie: Zhane who?? *confused*

TJ: Wasn't he that guy with the bleach job? The one with the kinda squeaky voice?

Ashley: Oh yeaaaaah.....*blinks* Funny. I have no memory of him whatsoever.

TJ: No one does.

Cassie: *shrugs* And does anyone care?

Ashley: Nope.

TJ: Nuh-uh.

Carlos: Naaah.

Andros: *gazes out the window, not paying attention to all that's going on* I hope she's okay....where ever she is..

Cassie: Who, your sister?

Andros: What are you, nuts? The Astro Megaship! Who did you think I was talking about?

Cassie: Ooookay...*backs away slowly*

(Andros eventually gets his mouth taped shut so he'll shut up about the Megaship. Meanwhile, on Mirinoi....)

Leo: What are we gonna tell Andros and the others when they get here?

Kai: We'll have to be truthful.

Damon: Yeah!

Leo: You know, this is all you guys' fault. YOU stole the Megaship in the first place.

Kai: It was not STEALING. It was BORROWING with no intent to return!

Damon: Whatever. *rolls eyes* I was just an innocent bystander.

Leo: And what's the point of an argument without the untimely death of an innocent bystander? *raises eyebrow*

Damon: *gulp*

(An hour later, the Space Rangers arrive)

Andros: Mmmmhmmmmhmmmmmhm! *sounds like Kenny from South Park because of the tape*

Maya: What? *rips the tape off*

Andros: Aaah! Oh. Ow.....So, where's the Megaship?? *eager*

Ashley: *whispers to Maya* It is in perfect, mint condition, right? Andros has become obsessed with it lately...

Maya: Um, not quite....

Leo: Um, Andros? The Megaship's...um....

Andros: The Megaship's what?

Damon: The Megaship doesn't exist anymore because Leo told us to blow it up so we could try and take out Trakeena in a desperate move that didn't really work all that well...

Andros: *eyes get huge* WHAT?!!!

Ashley: Oh, boy. *wince*

(Maya, Damon, Ashley, Carlos, Cassie, TJ, and Kai all duck and cover.)

Leo: *nods* It's true.

Andros: Leo...*slings a friendly arm over Leo's shoulders* You know, on my planet, we believe in forgiveness without bashing in the skulls of the perpetrator with blunt objects.

Leo: *sighs* Thank goodness...

Andros: *evil, twisted look* But we aren't ON my planet, now are we?

Leo: Couldn't you pretend to be one of the Sailor Starlights, toss on one of Maya's outfits, and fake it???

Andros: Not in your soon-to-end life, buddy.

Leo: Oh, maaaan...*turns and runs*

(The theme from the Russian dance from Fantasia can be heard in the background as Leo is chased by a Spiral Saber-wielding Andros)

Leo: No fair!! You can morph!

Andros: HAHAHA! Come here, LEO. I wanna thank you for taking SUCH good care of the ship for me!!!

Leo: AAAAAAH!!

Maya: Where's that music coming from?

Kai: Don't ask...

(The curtains drop just as Andros catches Leo and drags him behind the bushes, Act I is over)


Intermission - Why Us!?



Setting: Cassie's Barn
Parody of: Annie, "Tommorrow"
Characters: Marco and Rachel

(Curtain rises to show Rachel sitting on a bale of hay wearing a red dress. Marco's sitting in the loft, wearing a tuxedo)

Rachel: *singing* What is it with all these writers trying to put me with Marco? He wishes.

Marco: *singing* Why does it seem that somehow, I'd be a good boyfriend to the psycho? Forget it!

Together: Why is it always us?! What's with that?! That's so wack! Why, oh, why?! Why US?!

Rachel: It's not like we'd ever be good together!

Marco: Isn't it obvious Xena and I just don't mix! Ohhhh!

Together: Why is it always us?! What's with that?! That's so wack! Why, oh, why?! Why US? We never asked for this!

Rachel: I'm happier with a talking bird!

Together: WHHYYYYY, OH WHYYYYY?! WHY UUUUUUSSSS!??!?

(Curtain drops, end of Act II)


Act II - Rangers In Tights



Setting: The Astro Megaship's Jump Bay
Parody of: Robin Hood - Men in Tights
Characters: Leo, Damon, Mike, Kai, Andros, TJ, and Carlos

(The seven male Rangers are sitting around, playing a nice, truthful, honest game of B.S. Or attempting to. The pile has gotten quite high and everyone's a bit nervous. Leo has his head bandaged up as well as several hundred stitches in several places.)

Kai: Four Sevens. *puts four cards onto the deck*

Carlos: *with only four cards left* BS! *flips the cards to reveal four Sevens.* DAMN!

Kai: Ha-ha! *smug*

Carlos: Shush, Kai. *takes the huge pile and sorts it out carefully*

Andros: Two Eights. *puts down two cards.*

(Nobody bothers challenging that due to the fact Andros - like Carlos - has a ton of cards...)

Damon: Three Tens! *puts down what appears to be three cards....until four more slide out from under them.* Heh heh heh.....*nervous*

(The others just exchange glances)

All: Bull S***!

Damon: Awwww.....*grumbles and scoops up his cards* Can't we play something else?

TJ: Like what?

Leo: Damon, you're just mad because you got called on that sorry attempt to win.

Damon: I am not!

Kai: Sure seems like it. *snickers*

Carlos: *random muttering* You know, why can't we have ARMOR for costumes? I mean, look at Phantom Ranger.

(Others look around)

Andros: Um, Carlos? We can't see Phantom Ranger.

Carlos: *rolls eyes* The point is that he gets much a much cooler costume than we do. Which would you like to have? "Magic" Spandex that sparks and should catch fire when struck but doesn't? Or armor.

Mike: *says nothing, strangely enough*

Leo: You know, we should be proud to wear tights! *stands* I mean, think about it! It's breathable, flexable....plus, you gotta be MANLY to put up with all those wedgies!

TJ: *stands up* Leo's got a point.

Andros: *shrugs in agreement* For once, yeah. And it isn't one on the top of his head that I gave him.

(No one says anything)

Kai: *snorts* That's too bad. We have to. *pulls out a script and points at a page*

Others: *grumbling* Fine, whatever.

(They all stand in a line, Mike, still very quiet, and begin to sing....)

Leo: We're men! Men in Tights!

Andros: We fly around in space looking for fights!

Kai: We're Men! Men in Tiiiiights! We beat up bad people and smash lots of buildings!

All: That's right!

TJ: We maaaaay looook liiiike sissies.

Damon: But watch what you say!

Carlos: Or else we'll put out your lights!!!!

All (Mike just lipsynching): We're Men! Men in Tight--*high-pitched* TIGHT! -- Tights! We're men -- manly men! -- in Tiiiiiiights!!!

(They all link arms and start doing the Can-Can)

All: La-la-lala-la-la-laaaalaaa-la-la-la-laaa-laaa-lalalalala-LA-LALALALALA...

Damon:*notes that Mike isn't really singing with the others* Hey, Mike, what's wrong?

Mike: Um....well....*swallows*...I don't exactly WEAR tights....*swallows*

Leo: *still doing the Can-Can with everyone else* That's okay....we can take care of that! *breaks the line and drags Mike off....*

(The remaining Rangers continue singing)

All: We're MEN! Men in TIGHTS!! We fly around in space looking for fights!!! We're MEN! Men in TIIIIGHTS!! We beat up bad people and smash lots of buildings, that's right!!! We maaaay loooook liiiike sissies --

(A black and orange cat with evil green eyes runs out of nowhere, jumps on Roger Velasco's head and takes him down)

Roger/Carlos: AAAH...!!

All (Minus Carlos): -- but watch what you say or else we'll put out your lights!!

Andros We're Men -- manly men -- in Tiiiiights!

(Mike and Leo Return, Mike in a pink leotard, tights, and a tu-tu)

Mike: I feel so......stupid....*embarassed*

TJ: Don't! Now you're one of us!

Mike: I feel like a sissy!

Carlos: *still on the floor, only semi-concious) Don't! You're no more a sissy than the rest of us!

Leo: *goes back to singing* He may look like a sissy! *gestures at Mike*

(Mike punches Leo and knocks him out)

Andros *chuckling at Leo's motionless form* But watch what you say! He can still put out your lights!!

All (this time including Mike and without Leo): Weee're MEEEEEN In TIIIIIIIGHTS!!!!!

(End of Act II, Curtain Drops)

Leo: *from behind the curtain* This is just not my day.


Act III


(Two police officers come onto the set, one carrying a clipboard. Kai starts getting nervous)

Officer 1: Excuse me, I'm Officer Gibbs, this is Officer Chittum. Are you Kai Chen?

Kai: *swallows* I am.

Officer 2: We have a warrant for your arrest.

Kai: *tries to act shocked* What?! What for?

Officer Chittum: Grand theft Astro Megaship. *pulls out a pair of handcuffs*

Kai: But it wasn't theft! I didn't steal it! I BORROWED it!!!!

Officer Gibbs: Sure you did. 'Cuff him, Bri.

Officer Chittum: *nods* *puts Kai in handcuffs* You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can be used against you in a court of law-- *is interrupted by Leo*

Leo: I guess I get off easy after all.

Officer Gibbs: *looks at the clipboard* You're Leo Corbett?

Leo: Yeah. What do you want, an autograph?

Officer Gibbs: No thank you. We have a warrant for your arrest, too.

Leo: *gasps* What for!?? Kai stole the stupid ship!

Officer Gibbs: Yes he did. And you, sir, are under arrest for destruction of property belonging to the Space Rangers and the City of Angel Grove. *reaches to put handcuffs on Leo*

Leo: I don't think so!! *turns and runs away*

Officer Gibbs: *throws Kai into the back of the squad car and jumps in the driver's seat*

Officer Chittum: *jumps in passenger side and grabs the radio* I need backup! White male, big mouth, green eyes, brown hair. Wearing a red tank top and blue jeans. In pursuit, he's heading westbound....

Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?


The End.....Maybe...



The Official Second Disclaimer: The song "Men in Tights" belongs to Mel Brooks. It's borrowed and parodied "Robin Hood: Men in Tights".

The song, "Why Us?!" was parodied from "Tommorrow", sung by that girl in "Annie".

No Rangers were killed in the making of this fic. Just injured, and that wasn't even real blood.

Damon: *mopping off the floor where Leo got bashed by Mike* Yeah, sure, and Kendrix is really dead.

*blink blink* Okay, some of it was real....*sigh*