Disclaimer: They're mine, aaaallll mine, and for every person who reads this, I get $10 every time they open the file. Hard copies are $25. You believe me, don't you? Yes? Great – in that case, I have a nice stretch of swamp land in Arizona I might want to sell you.J Seriously, though – Saban: everything, me: zilch. L

Note: This came into existence because I needed part of it as a background story for another fic I'm working on. The idea developed a life of its own (Thank you VERY much, Ted! I needed a new story idea about as much as a root canal! One more stunt like this, and you can look for a new author to harass! *glares* – Sorry, folks; Muse trouble.) and it was just too good to discard, so – here I am, pecking busily away at my keyboard. The story is PG-13 at most, and I hope you like ...comments are welcome, as usual. DB 2000/01

   Tommy to Kimberly

   "...I miss you so much, Beautiful, especially now. We had this project at school last week, for Social Studies – we had to pretend how our lives would be like ten years in the future. Some of the others did stuff about health problems, some on working, or finding a job .... I wanted to do a report on how to operate a small business; that dojo Jase and I want to open together one day, remember? But no go –  somebody else nabbed the idea first. Would you believe I ended up doing a study on family life? Pretending to be married, holding down a 9-to-5 job, sharing household chores ... I had Kat as my partner; she even brought that kid along whom she babysits on occasion, just to make things more realistic. The gang had a ball teasing us about it, especially Rocky and Tanya. I could’ve killed them! And of course, King M. got in on it, and we nearly had a disaster on our hands. But, all went well.

   Man, I was tired when those 24 hours were over! Joey – that's the kid's name – was kinda cute, but you sure don't get a lot of sleep with a 14-month-old baby! Mom and Dad nearly bust a gut, watching me and Kat running all over the house, cooking, doing yard work and what have you. They moved into the attic guest room for the day, so we had a real house to 'play' with. Mom said she hasn't had so much fun in years, watching us. I guess it was sort of a payback for all the times she had to look after me; I was Joey's age when they adopted me.

   You know .... I was beat when the project was over, but now, when I've had time to rest, I have to admit it was kinda fun, too. Kat was real easy to work with, and bringing the baby sure added realism. We both got an A, by the way. (AND got stuck babysitting the teacher's twins the next weekend! UGH!) But .... you know, when I was sitting down to dinner with her, or when I made like going to work, discussing 'family' stuff with her .... I so wished it was you I was doing this with! Not just this project, but for real.

   Kim, I know we never really talked about this, but .... could you imagine having a family one day? With me? Not too large; I mean, the DeSantos' are a fun bunch, but I'd rather have a little more peace and quiet at home. But two, or maybe three kids? You don't have to give me an answer now, but .... could you maybe think about it? And I could ask you again in a few years, when your gymnastics are over, and I can support a family? Please, Beautiful .... ever since my folks told me I was adopted, I've known that I want my own family one day – people who belong to me by blood. I know Mom and Dad chose me as their son and love me lots, and I love them, too, but somehow it's not the same. I want people in my life who really belong to me, who love me because .... well, just because. And I'll love them right back, because they're the family that I chose to have – my wife and my children. And I can't think of anyone else with whom I'd rather have that family than you. I'd want a little girl who smiles just like you, and maybe a little boy I could teach Karate to .... Those are my dreams for ten years in the future; being married to you, and having kids with you as their mom. If you think you could share those dreams, we'll talk about that when the time is right. Okay?

   I've heard from Jason the other day; seems he is getting fed up with ...."

  In her dorm room in Florida, Kimberly folded Tommy's letter back into the envelope, sighing happily. The rest was news about Angel Grove and their friends which she loved to hear, naturally, but she'd pored over this particular bit so often in the two days since she received the letter, she practically knew it by heart by now.

   Tommy wanted to have a family one day – with her! Her heart soared at the thought, and she knew a silly grin was playing around her mouth every time she read that sentence. He'd said he wasn't going to ask, not now, but any way she looked at it, it was almost a proposal ... wasn't it?

   "Yes, Tommy," she murmured dreamily to herself, "I'd love to have a family with you one day – when we're both ready."

   It was exactly the answer she was going to give her tall boyfriend when he asked her in person.

   Kim put the envelope into her nightstand drawer; she wanted to find exactly the right words to say – writing "YES! YES!! YES!!!" in big, bold letters just wasn't going to cut it; this was way too important – and besides, training had been very exhausting lately. Better to take some time and get her answer right, just as maturely and well-formulated as Tommy's letter had been. It was mid-February now, just past Valentine's Day; Tommy's letter had accompanied a fold-up photo album with portraits of the Zeo team, a group shot made at the Youth Center and a wallet-sized new picture of Tommy with a very loving message on the back. It had immediately found its way into her purse, and she looked at it often, smiling longingly at the handsome face and soulful eyes that seemed to gaze directly into her heart. The petite gymnast just knew Tommy had been thinking of her when the picture had been taken; only for her did he ever wear that particular expression

   *God, I miss you, Tommy,* she thought as she started making preparations for bed. *I thought I knew what I was letting myself into when I accepted Coach Schmidt's invitation; I imagined I was prepared to be a little homesick. I did not know how hard it'd be in reality!*

   But, she had a visit to Angel Grove scheduled for Easter, to coincide with spring break; she hadn't told anybody yet, wanting it to be a surprise for her tall boyfriend. Grinning at herself in the bathroom mirror as she brushed her teeth, Kim pictured how Tommy's eyes would light up when he saw her strolling into the Juice Bar, and she'd bet anything that Ernie and her friends would throw her a Welcome-Home party the likes of which Angel Grove had never seen.

   *It's gonna be sooo much fun!*

   However, before she could finalize her plans, she would have to go through the Team physicals tomorrow. Kimberly grimaced as she slid into her bed and turned off the lights. She hated being poked and prodded by doctors, but knew that it was necessary. All athletes taking part in the Panglobal Games had to be perfectly healthy to give their best, and she hadn't given up her home, her friends, her Power Coin ... Tommy ... just to be stopped right before she realized her life-long dream of competing internationally at the highest level.

   Without false modesty, Kim knew she'd make the team; she had worked hard to get where she was now, and what she lacked in competition experience, she more than made up for in talent and determination. Even if she shouldn't win a medal, the least she could do was give her all to make her family and friends proud of her. If that meant she had to endure a few hours of tests and measurements, so be it. Snuggling under her covers, the erstwhile Pink Ranger closed her eyes and soon drifted off to sleep. Her last thought, before she went under completely, was that she'd answer Tommy's letter as soon as she got a clean bill of health.

~*~

   "Thank God that's over with!"

   The gymnasts meeting at the Training Center's dining hall were of one mind about the events of the day. The medical exams had started early, before breakfast even, with the giving of blood samples ... and almost every other bodily secretion the doctors could lay their hands on. After a hasty meal, the teenagers and young adults had been measured, weighed, x-rayed, ultra-sounded and what-have-you until lunch. Then, just when they thought they were finished, the real fun began – testing of their overall fitness by hooking each person up to various monitoring devices and letting them exert themselves on treadmills, stationary bikes, weight machines and so on and so forth, until they were all heartily sick of the matter.

   Kimberly sat down with a couple of the other gymnasts, only to pick at her dinner. The examinations had been exhaustive, intrusive, and she always felt worse than usual when she had to skip a meal. Her early-morning tests had taken so long, it hadn't been worth eating breakfast – so, Kim had gone right into lunch, and was paying the price now. Besides, she was in the middle of choreographing her floor routine; the interruption in her round of training sessions, dance class, costume fittings and plain working out was even more irritating than usual. Deciding finally to make do with a fruit yoghurt she had in her small fridge, Kim took her leave of her teammates and went back to her room. The dairy snack was spooned up half-heartedly, then the petite girl climbed into bed. Rereading Tommy's letter once more, she felt the loving words soothe and comfort her as always, and eventually she drifted off to sleep, dreaming of a future at her handsome boyfriend's side, with two little boys looking exactly like Tommy playing at her feet, and a little girl with soulful brown eyes cuddling on her daddy's lap.

~*~

   "Kimberly? Phone!"

   Peggy's shout broke Kim's concentration, and she hopped off the balance beam, more than slightly miffed. How the heck was she supposed to train properly, if she kept being interrupted? Mopping her face and neck with a towel, she ambled over to the small office and with a questioning look took the receiver from her teammate, who just shrugged.

   "It's Coach."

   Watching Peggy go back to the uneven bars, Kim held the device to her ear.

   "Yes?"

   Coach Schmidt's heavily accented voice was brusque, as usual, but not unfriendly.

   "Kimberly, Dr. Benning tells me there are some problems with your test results. They want you to come in at four this afternoon for another blood sample."

   Dr: Benning was the team physician; he'd been in charge of the physicals.

   "What kind of problems?" Kim asked, not overly concerned. She felt fine, as always.

   "He didn't say. Just make sure you're at the clinic at four; they'll be expecting you." The line went dead. Slightly mystified, Kim left the office and informed her choreographer that she had to cancel the afternoon session – again. The older woman was not pleased, grumbling loudly about how was she supposed to work with the athletes and get results if they were called away at all times, but dismissed the petite girl with an encouraging pat on the shoulder.

~*~

   Showered and changed, Kim entered the training compound's medical facility precisely on time. Dr Benning, a man in his late forties and a former athlete himself, greeted her warmly as she was ushered into his office.

   "Hello, Kimberly. How nice that Coach Schmidt could let you come right away."

   "Hi. What's wrong with me?" Kim asked curiously, sinking into a chair. "I feel perfectly okay."

   "And you most likely are," the doctor assured her. "It's just ... your blood work shows that there is some irregularity somewhere in your body, probably quite minor, and we'd like to find out where and what it is, so we can treat it before it develops into a problem."

   That made sense, and the former Pink Ranger relaxed; despite herself, she'd been feeling a bit apprehensive at the prospect of having a health problem she wasn't aware of.

   "Okay. So, what do you need to do?"

   Benning smiled approvingly at the plucky girl.

   "Nothing much – draw another blood sample," he grinned at her grimace, "get a urine sample ... and just to be on the safe side, I'd like to give you a pelvic exam. The organs in the lower body, especially a woman's, are very susceptible to outside influences. It might be that you've picked up a infection somewhere unknowingly that's making the results go haywire ..."

   Kimberly pulled a face; she'd never had a pelvic exam before, but had heard stories from classmates who had; it didn't sound like a very pleasant experience. Besides, the thought was pretty embarrassing, to let someone else look at her there. However, Dr. Benning reassured her.

   "Don't worry, Kimberly. I won't look anywhere I don't have to, and there'll be a nurse with you all the time." He got up from behind the desk. "Shall we get it over with?" He winked at her, and she couldn't help but grin back, since she'd thought precisely that.

   "Yes, please."

~*~

   "Have a seat, Kimberly."

   It was two days later, during which the gymnasts had been kept extremely busy to make up for lost time, and Kim was astonished to see Coach Schmidt in Dr. Benning's office as well. Both men looked grave, and a slight frisson of uneasiness skittered down her spine as she sank into the offered chair.

   "Is ... is there something wrong with me, after all?" she asked in a puzzled voice. "I thought you said there wasn't!"

   The physician sighed.

   "I'd hoped there wasn't; or if so, it would be nothing more than a yeast infection, or at worst something with your kidneys. However ..." he stopped, looking down at the files in front of him. Kim assumed they contained her test results. Benning drew a deep breath, then met her eyes squarely.

   "I'm terribly sorry, Kimberly, but what we found was far more serious. There's no easy way to say it, so forgive me if I'm being blunt. We went over all of your test results several times, hoping we'd be wrong, but unfortunately, we weren't. The pap smear we took ... there's no possibility of error, I'm sad to say. Kimberly ... you have cervical cancer."

   Kim never noticed that Coach Schmidt got up and took her suddenly cold hand in his, didn't hear what the older man was saying to her. She just sat in her chair, looking very small and alone, staring at Dr. Benning as she felt the blood drain from her face and went numb all over.

~*~

   *I have cancer.*

   The thought beat in her mind like a litany – or maybe it was a death bell; by now, Kimberly neither knew nor cared. She'd been a total wreck ever since she'd left Dr. Benning's office yesterday, trying to deny what the man had told her, but being unable to. The test results, as he'd said, were unmistakeable. She had a malignant tumor in the uterus – undetected so far because there had been no reason to suspect anything until anomalies showed up during the physicals. Fresh tears slid down her cheeks as she trudged towards the sink to pour herself a glass of water – the only thing she could keep down ever since she'd learned the truth about her condition.

   *How can I have cancer? Until recently, I was a Power Ranger! I'm only seventeen years old!*

   But deep in her heart, she knew that disease – any kind of disease – didn't ask for a birth certificate when it chose to strike, or care about the victim's identity. Kim sniffled, but her tears continued to flow. Dimly, she wondered how she could have any tears left at all. It seemed that she'd done nothing but cry, ever since she'd come home from the clinic.

   *I don't want to die ...*

   That was the one silver lining in this whole mess. Dr. Benning had explained to her that thankfully, they'd detected the tumor in its earliest stages. If she decided on an operation right away – well, after the PanGlobals; she was here to train, after all, and major surgery would take about two months out of her training schedule, and she couldn't afford that, not if she wanted to compete – she had every chance of making a full recovery, without chemotherapy or radiation, or before metastases could spread into other parts of her body. Kim swallowed a despairing moan as she sank back on her bed; her pillow was soaked with the tears she'd shed, but she felt too exhausted to do anything about it. Turning the soft cushion over, she pressed her face into the crumpled linen. Something lumpy was lodged at the small of her back; fumbling for the object, she pulled up the fluffy white bear Tommy had given her when she'd woken in hospital after her fall off the balance beam, back home in Angel Grove.

   "Tommy," the girl sighed longingly. Her mother was away in France and couldn't come right now; a frantic phone call to her the night before had assured Kimberly that Mrs DePuys would be there for the surgery, however. This was not a time when Kim wanted to be alone – she needed the comfort and security of being with people she loved, and who loved her.

   *I'm not going to tell the others, though,* the unhappy young woman decided as she slowly regained a measure of calm. *Not before the operation, anyway. There's nothing they can do to help me, and it'd only distract them from their jobs. They have enough trouble with these robot guys already; I don't need to add to their problems.*

   But telling Tommy was another matter. Kim just knew that her boyfriend would be there for her, giving her all the support she could possibly need.

   *We've been through so much together – loss of our Powers, being attacked by Rita, Zedd and who-knows-what else, faced danger together ... we came so close to dying when we searched for Ninjor's Temple, and at other times ... next to my parents, Tommy's the ONE person who I know will never leave me. We love each other too much for ANYTHING to drive us apart.*

   That thought, for the first time since she'd heard the devastating news, stopped Kimberly's tears and brought a wobbly smile to her face. Still sniffling, she sat up on her bed and took the picture of Tommy that rested on her nightstand in her hand. Tracing his strong, smiling features with a slender fingertip, Kim cleared her throat.

   "I love you so much, Tommy – and I wish I could tell you how much it means to me to know I can call you and tell you everything ... just like you tell me everything that's on your mind and in your heart," she whispered hoarsely. Kim wiped her wet cheeks with the back of her hand, but it was ineffectual. Opening her drawer, she fumbled for a pack of tissues. After blowing her nose and drying her eyes, she took out Tommy's last letter once more. Kim settled back against her pillows and began to read; his loving words would surely bring her comfort, especially now when she needed it most.

   As she re-read every affectionate sentence, Kim made a mental note not only to call Tommy at the earliest opportunity, but also to reply to his letter in the morning. She smiled at some of the things he told her; mostly Ranger stuff couched in very general terms, and she vowed to get an in-depth account as soon as possible. The first page was turned, and her heart began to beat a little faster; she was getting to her favorite part of the letter, the one that always made her go all warm and fuzzy inside.

   *" ... ever since my folks told me I was adopted, I've known that I want my own family one day – people who belong to me by blood.(...) And I can't think of anyone else with whom I'd rather have that family than you. (...) Those are my dreams for ten years in the future; being married to you, and having kids with you as their mom...."*

   "Oh God," Kim whispered, turning deathly pale as her hands suddenly lost the power to hold on to the closely-written sheets. They fluttered unheeded onto her blanket. "Tommy, no ...!"

   The reality of her situation suddenly crashed over her head, threatening to drown her. Fresh tears started to flow unheeded as Kimberly had to face a devastating truth.

   She had early-stages cervical cancer. In order to prevent the disease from spreading, she'd have to have an operation – a hysterectomy. The surgery would remove her womb, saving her life, but forever barring her from having children of her own – EVER. Children whom Tommy wanted to have with her. And once the deed was done, she wouldn't be able to give them to him, thereby smashing his fondest dreams for his – their – future.

   As the painful truth began to sink into her consciousness, Kim started to sob, deep, heart-wrenching sounds which no-one was around to hear while her own world, so perfect only days ago, shattered into fragments too small and numerous to count.

~*~

   Days passed during which Kim moved like a zombie. She talked to Dr. Benning again, remembering vague tales about women in her condition being miraculously cured by having a baby, but he only shook his head, telling her truthfully that these cases were bordering on the fantastic if they were true at all. The physician was sorry to see what little life was left drain from her dulled brown eyes, but in good conscience he couldn't hold out false hopes to the devastated girl.

   "Kimberly ... I have to tell you that the likelihood is far greater that a pregnancy now will speed along the cancer rather than make it go away," he said gently. "Besides, you're not yet eighteen years old; how will you and your boyfriend even support a child – especially if you should get sicker? And ..." he put a hand on her arm and waited until she would look at him, "If worse comes to worst, would you want your Tommy being left behind with a baby to raise alone?"

   "You mean when I die," she rasped, beyond tears by now.

   "Not when, if," Benning corrected her firmly. "And we'll do everything we can to prevent that from happening. But, yes."

   "I ... no. No, I couldn't do that to him," she whispered.

   "Talk to your boyfriend, Kimberly. If he really loves you, he'll understand. You have much to offer a man; far more than your ability to bear children. And if he doesn't, maybe he's not the right man for you, after all." Privately, the doctor had his doubts about that anyway; in his experience, High School romances seldom lasted, but he couldn't tell that to the young woman sitting so forlornly in his office. She had enough to bear right now.

   Numbly, Kim walked back to her room. Benning meant well, but he didn't know – couldn't  know about the deep bonds she and Tommy shared. Their love went far beyond a teenage romance. But, what was she going to do? Sighing, she lay on her bed, forcing her tired mind to think through her options as the Florida sun sank below the horizon and the early February dusk began to cast her room into gloom.

   *I can refuse to have the hysterectomy. But chances are very high that the cancer will continue to grow, making me ever sicker, and I'll die. Sooner rather than later.*

   The former Pink Ranger was not afraid of death as such; she'd had to come to terms with her own mortality soon after she first accepted her Power Coin. But it was one thing to die defending your planet, or maybe in an accident, when things were out of her control. It was quite another to succumb to a disease ... for which she was not responsible, true, but since there was a cure available, it'd be like giving in without a fight. And Kimberly Hart had never given up on anything without doing her utmost to beat the odds.

   *I ... I don't want to die,* the young woman realized painfully. *At least, not like this. And ... and not now. I'm not done living. Not yet.*

   For some unknown reason, she felt almost ashamed to admit that, but it also cleared her mind for other things.

   *So I'm going to have the operation. Mom will come here; I won't be alone. But I won't tell the others. Not Trini, not Aisha – none of them. And the guys – forget it. I don't want their pity, or that they'll think I'm only half a woman,* she resolved.

   *But ... but what about Tommy?*

   Kimberly moaned into the darkness surrounding her and curled up into a ball of pure misery. No matter what, she was going to hurt her charismatic boyfriend deeply. Her decision to have the operation by necessity destroyed all of Tommy's hopes and aspirations of ever having a family of his own – never mind the fact that he would suffer right along with her. And hurting Tommy was the very last thing she wanted to do – ever.

   *Do I have to tell him?*

   The unhappy girl dismissed the question as soon as it popped into her mind; while it was terribly tempting, she knew that it wouldn't only be an unforgivable lie by omission, it would also be completely unfair and dishonest.

   "If I tell him, he'll leave me ..." she hiccuped, but Kim knew deep down that Tommy wouldn't do that; not for something as serious as this, something she had no control over and what wasn't her fault. Tommy would stand by her through thick and thin ... because that was the way he was, because his sense of honor wouldn't let him desert her, and most of all because he loved her. But, if he stayed with her, he'd have to give up his own dreams ... and that was not what Kim wanted. She loved him too much to do that to him.

   The dilemma seemed insoluble; no matter what she decided to do, Tommy would be the one to suffer from her decision. For herself, Kimberly certainly regretted that she'd never have children, but it was something she hadn't yet given serious thought to. She was only seventeen, after all; even though she'd dreamed of having a family one day, it was all part of a still very nebulous future. Probably her loss would hit her more deeply at one point, Kim knew, but that was the least of her problems. Right now, she was far more concerned with how Tommy would take the news.

   *He'll be soo sad ... and disappointed ... and unhappy ...*

   But they'd have each other to help them, the optimistic part of her reminded her. As long as they had each other, they could live through anything. Couldn't they?

   Kim wanted to say 'yes' with conviction, but a niggling voice at the back of her mind wouldn't be silenced.

   *What if he stops loving you when he has to give up so much? Not right away, no, but what about five years from now? Ten? When you're both ready to have a family, and you CAN'T? Will he still love you –then-?*

   "Of course he will; Tommy loves me," the petite girl murmured, but even to her own ears it sounded weak. What if he wouldn't? What if he came to resent her one day for being … barren? God, the word hurt! Tommy was a wonderful person, the best, but he also was only Human. And to see their love wither away would be worse than anything.

   "I'll die if he leaves me," she whispered, tears gathering anew in her burning eyes. "It'll kill me as surely as the cancer will if I don't do anything about it ..."

   *You can't do anything about the cancer,* the insidious voice in her mind stated. *But you CAN do something to prevent him from leaving you.*

   "What?" Kim asked the empty room. "I'd do anything to avoid that."

   *Anything?*

   "Yes," she answered herself, sobbing again. "It would hurt too much if he did!"

   For an endless minute, the voice remained silent. Then, it spoke up again.

   *Then YOU leave HIM.*

   "WHAT?!?"

   *Break up with Tommy. Tell him you don't love him like that. Pretend that you don't want to have children with him. That way, you won't have to tell him the truth; you'll be spared his pity, and while it'll hurt him now, it leaves the way open for him to find someone else, to make his dreams come true with another woman. Someone who can give him the family you can't.*

   Kimberly moaned again as a wave of despair washed through her. She hated the thought of breaking up with him passionately, but what the voice told her made a terrible, twisted kind of sense. Hurt Tommy a little – okay, a lot – now, but spare him an even bigger pain in the future. If she loved him as much as she said she did, surely she could do this? For Tommy? Leave him so that he could find happiness with someone else? The thought was physically painful, but once conceived it wouldn't go away. Instead, images swirled through her exhausted mind, alternating between impossible dreams of a miracle cure for her, Tommy's pain and disappointment when he had to give up his dreams for her sake, the misery and despair he'd surely feel if she did die despite everything, and a vision of a happy, content man surrounded by children who looked just like him.

~*~

   Throughout the longest night of her life, Kimberly wrestled with herself, torn between her wants and dreams and with what she became increasingly convinced she had to do, but as the first rays of dawn began to lighten the morning sky, she wearily unfurled herself from her rumpled bed, stood up and looked out her window. It faced west, towards California ... her home, and the man she loved more than anything else. Enough, in any case, to place his happiness over her own needs.

   "Good-bye, Tommy," the young woman whispered, then turned away from the window and sank down at her desk. Beyond tears now, she methodically took her stationery out of a drawer, readied an envelope and picked up a pen. Her eyes were dry and her hand was steady as she started to write a letter that would change two lives forever. As she wove a plausible tale of lies about finding someone else, to cast the man she loved out of her life so that he'd be happy, her heart was slowly breaking into a million pieces.

~~***~~

   Jason to Tommy

   "... Bro, I know you're not really ready to face this, but I thought it better to warn you – Kim is coming home for a visit this summer, right about graduation time. I'll try to keep her away as much as I can, do stuff with her ... but there may be times when that won't be possible.

   You can deny it all you want, Tommy, but I know you – Kim hurt you with the way she broke up with you, and you're not over it – over her – yet. And before you ask, no, I don't really know what happened, either. She hasn't told anyone, as far as I know – at least not anybody I can ask. Trini and Zack are as much in the dark as me.

   You're probably not going to like what I'm going to say next, but I'll tell you anyway: You have Kat now. She's a great girl, pretty, smart, nice ... a really classy lady. Don't throw away what you've found with her; she deserves better than that, and if you want some advice, talk to her. I know that's not easy for you, but as your friend it's the best thing I can say to you – be as open about your feelings for her, for Kim, about this whole mess as you can. It's the only honorable way. And maybe it'll help you get your head straight, too. It's only going to be worse if you don't; what if you run into Kim suddenly and do or say something you're going to regret? And knowing Kat, she'll want to help you as much as she can – she's one of the most understanding and forgiving people I know. Okay, end of lecture. –

   I won't be graduating with the rest of you guys; I'm still missing a few credits, so my folks enrolled me in a private school to make up for what I missed in Europe and while I was recovering from you-know-what. But I'll be back in Angel Grove in time for Prom, and return for good for the fall semester ..."

   There was more to Jason's letter, but the passage he'd just read for maybe the dozenth time was what stuck with him most and what caused him the most headache. Tommy slumped down wearily as he put his best friend's message back into his mail folder; he'd answer it tonight.

   *So Kim's coming back.*

   The thought was terrifying, and at the same time just a little bit exhilarating. It had been months since he'd received that letter from Kimberly; he should be over it by now, but every time he remembered the words, a fresh spurt of pain seemed to squeeze his heart for just a moment. The memories came less frequently now, didn't bother him as much anymore once he'd started dating Kat, but Tommy was not at all sure if he already was up to seeing his former girlfriend again. Her letter had hurt him too much for that – especially since he'd poured out his hopes and dreams to her in his own messages not too long before. That she could dismiss his almost-proposal so casually was maybe the worst of all; he'd expected better of the one-time Pink Ranger.

   Once again, Tommy was tempted to pick up the phone, call Coach Schmidt's compound and demand an answer from his former girlfriend in person. Better yet, he wished Zordon hadn't placed such stringent restrictions on the use of the Power Chamber's teleportation system. The first nights after he'd received Kimberly's letter, he'd had to hide his communicator in his desk when he was off-duty, else he disregarded every rule and whizzed down to Florida, to get the truth from Kim in person.

   But, he never did. He'd made a promise and would keep it, even if it killed him inside. And he wasn't at all sure if he wanted to hear from Kim's own lips that they were through.

   So, Tommy got over it. Over Kim. Somewhat. Somehow. Because he had no choice ... at least not if he wanted to keep his sanity intact.

   Having Billy and Kat's support helped. So did being kept extremely busy by Mondo and his goons. Jason returning home unexpectedly from Switzerland had been a Godsend, and not just because he was available to take on the Gold Power from Trey for a while. His closest friend had helped Tommy to work through his anguish and confusion much more than any of the others could have done – because he'd been there from the beginning of his relationship with the petite girl. So had Billy, but while Tommy had become good friends with the team genius over time, their connection had never been as close or intense as the one he'd always shared with Jason. Only with the first Red Ranger could Tommy let go of all the anguish Kim's breakup had caused him. Only with Jason could Tommy let himself truly mourn for what he'd lost. Only with his best friend could he let himself cry.

~*~

   But Jason had had to leave again, to recover from nearly losing his life due to the Gold Powers' alien nature. Tommy shuddered at the thought; he honestly didn't know if he could've handled it if Jason had suffered permanent damage because of something he, Tommy, had done. If it hadn't been for his brainstorm, Jason would never have accepted ... no. Of course he would have – he'd have found a way to help. Somehow. Deep down, Tommy knew that the first leader of Earth's Rangers had been destined to don the Gold Ranger's uniform, if only briefly. Besides, everything had turned out well ... Jason lived, and was healthy again. So was Billy, although on an alien planet half a galaxy away. His loss would've been almost as bad.

   The long-haired young man sighed. His mother's brother had called and invited him to the race track, and if he didn't get his butt in gear, he'd be late – a habit he'd only recently managed to break and had no intention to fall back into. Gathering his keys, Tommy went downstairs, left a note for his folks and climbed into his 4 X 4. Concentrating on the road, he drove away, taking his troubled thoughts along.

   *Kim's coming back. Right. I'll deal with it ... somehow. Because I must.*

~*~

   Events conspired against Tommy to ever reply to Jason's letter, or even heed his friend's sensible advice. He never got around to telling the rest of the team about the first Pink Ranger's return, or have a long talk with his Australian girlfriend, so the sight of Kim in Divatox's clutches came as a shock to all of them.

   "Kimberly," he'd breathed, stunned by the rush of conflicting emotions flooding his system. Joy warred with hurt, delight with pain, and recognizing his best friend captive right next to her didn't help much, either. But there was no time to dwell on his personal problems; much more immediate matters were pressing in on all of them. Lerigot giving himself up to Divatox, the threat hanging over their planet and more if Divatox should indeed manage to free the Flame of Destruction ... losing Rocky (if only temporarily) in the middle of a crisis of this magnitude, having to take on new Powers yet again ... it was numbing them all.

   Silently, Tommy just gave thanks that at least this time, colors weren't being shifted around.

   Adjusting to having a twelve-year-old on the team was hard on all of them, although he and Adam, the only 'veterans' left by now, agreed that so far, Justin was turning out to be an unusual but  competent replacement for Rocky. Which didn't help the fact that Tommy was more than commonly distracted during their trip to the Nemesis Triangle.

   Then came the next shock. Seeing Jason and Kim suspended over the lava pit had been bad, but it hadn't shaken Tommy's conviction that they, as a team, could save their friends. When the chain broke and both former Rangers plummeted to what they'd thought was certain death had been paralyzing ... but not more than seeing them miraculously restored ... and turned evil.

   Tommy had hardly been able to get past his total devastation. Seeing Kimberly and Jason, the two people who had always stood by him, no matter what, attacking him and the Rangers was ... he didn't even have words to describe how that had made him feel. If he'd felt anything at all except utter shock. No wonder the Red Ranger had nearly lost the fight ... he just couldn't bring himself to hurt his best friend and the girl he'd loved with all his heart – until she'd broken it with a letter just as spring came around the corner.

   *Thank you, Lerigot,* Tommy sent his silent thanks through space to Liaria, where the diminutive  wizard lived. *If your magic hadn't saved Kim ... and Jason ... I dunno if I could have gone on.* He had his doubts.

   But, even though it had hurt to see Kim again, captured, evil, more than slightly battered by her experience at the Space Pirate's hands, Tommy hadn't been so caught up in his own problems that he couldn't see what his reactions were doing to Katherine.

   She hid her hurt well during the Muranthias crisis, when he'd so obviously been concerned about Kim instead of her, calling out her name even before Jason's, his inability to come to her, Kat's, aid, but she'd said nothing, instead doing her job as the Pink Ranger as competently as ever and not betraying by a single look or remark how it must have pained her to see her boyfriend so concerned about another woman.

   *She is too nice, has too much class to say anything, or to let Kim see how much she must resent her reappearance,* the young man thought miserably. *Sometimes I wonder what she sees in me, why she even bothers. I'm certainly not being fair to her. Kat gives so much ... and all I can do is moon over Kimberly, comparing Kat to her when I KNOW I mustn't do that. They ARE different persons, after all.*

   Tommy was uncomfortably aware that he couldn't postpone a long conversation with Kat much longer. He was reasonably certain that his Australian girlfriend wouldn't begrudge him to be concerned about their friends, but his reaction to the first Pink Ranger had been way out of proportion, and he'd better resolve his feelings, fast.

   So, as a result, he was absent-minded and distracted as he prepared for the Karate tournament alongside Adam and Jason, all three dressing in matching gis while the crowd in the packed gym was buzzing excitedly. Tommy was yanked abruptly out of his thoughts and flinched visibly as a large hand came to rest on his shoulder.

   "You okay, Bro?" Jason asked, his dark eyes worried and warm with honest concern. A far cry from the malevolent red glare lighting them so very recently on Muranthias, Tommy couldn't help remembering.

   "Yeah, sure," Tommy mumbled, but before either young man could say more, their coach called them into the arena. The match was a fast and furious one; their opponents skilled and very, very good. But the three friends had not only superb individual skills to call on, they also knew how to function as a team, shifting attacks seamlessly and with utter trust that the others would be there at a glance. They won, to the crowd's roar of delight and the jubilation of their friends and families. When Jason lifted the giant cheque for all to see, guaranteeing the funds for the Little Angels' Home for the next three months, happy pandemonium broke loose. Justin was already clambering up into the ring, and Kat was there at ringside, too, her crystal blue eyes shining with pride and joy as she reached up to her boyfriend. Tommy accepted her embrace spontaneously and with a broad smile, never noticing the petite brown-haired girl standing a little on the outside of their jubilant group.

   Kimberly watched Tommy hug Kat with a sad smile, determinedly swallowing her tears. While it hurt more than she had known it would to see him with another woman, it confirmed her conviction that she'd done the right thing. They made a wonderful couple, and she would have to be blind to miss the obvious caring and affection the Pink and Red Turbo Rangers shared. *Did it have to happen so soon, though?* But the timing didn't matter; she wouldn't let it. Tommy's happiness was all that counted. Sighing softly to herself, Kim pasted a bright expression to her face and took a step forward to join her friends. After all, there was a victory party to attend.

   *Never mind that I just lost everything.. Even hope.*

~~***~~

   Trini to Jason

   "… Jason, I don't know what's wrong with Kimberly, but something's not right. I've had a chance to meet her when the PanGlobal Winners' Promo Tour stopped in Geneva last month, and I thought I'd see her just as … as bubbly and vivacious as ever. After all, medaling in two disciplines is quite an accomplishment, and you know how Kim always sparkled when she's done well in a competition. And if winning both a PanGlobal Bronze and Gold isn't doing well, I don't know what is.

   Don't get me wrong, Kim tried. She clearly wanted me to think that everything is fine, but it just … isn't. It's all pretend somehow, from her excitement over the medals to her joy at seeing me. I'm sure nobody else noticed, but Jase, I've been friends with Kim since second grade; I just know her far too well to accept things at face value. It's as if something has sucked the joy right out of her, as if she's just going through the motions of living. Remember how Tommy was the first time he lost his Powers? How hopeless he looked when he thought we weren't paying attention? That's what I see in Kim these days.

   I so want to help her, but how can I, when she won't talk to me? Jason, I'm going to Paris over Christmas and will stay with Kim's family; if you have any idea at all, please tell me so I can help her; it hurts to see her like this…"

   Jason sighed as he read Trini's letter; while he never got the chance to grill Kim about the break-up with Tommy during their ill-fated diving excursion – and she'd vanished so fast after the victory party that nobody had had the opportunity to sit her down for a serious talk – he had a pretty good idea what might be the cause for the change in their friend.

   "The letter she wrote Tommy," he murmured to himself, sitting down at his desk and getting out his books to start on his homework assignment. "Man, I wish I'd been here when she wrote it." He didn't know if he could have done anything to make matters right for his friends, but couldn't shake the feeling that maybe, just maybe … however, that particular ship had long left the harbor, and there was no way Jason was able to change now what had happened at the time.

   By now, Tommy refused to talk about the break-up at all – that in itself being a sign that deep down, it still ate at him. The Red Ranger hadn't wanted to burden his best friend with his personal problems during their brief stint as Zeo Rangers, or so he'd claimed; truthfully, they had hardly had time to catch their breaths with all the other things that were going on around them. Graduation and geographical distance right after he'd lost the Gold Powers had also played a part in delaying things, and now, nearly a year later, the right moment to get to the bottom of everything had come and gone several times over – and had been missed every time.

   *Maybe I should've FORCED Tommy to talk,* Jason mused, his mind on anything but the essay he was supposed to write. A fool could see that all was not well about his friend's emotional state, his relationship with Kat notwithstanding. Come to think of it, that wasn't going too well, either. Logically, Kim's quiet withdrawal should have strengthened the budding romance, but Jason had been shocked to see how rocky things had become during his stay at summer school. Instead of growing closer, Tommy and Kat seemed to be imperceptibly drawing apart – something that wasn't helped by the fact that Tommy still carried a picture of Kim in his wallet. Tucked away at the back, yes, but it was still there … and Kat knew it. The former Gold Ranger couldn't blame the lovely Australian for feeling hurt; who wouldn't be, under the circumstances? Yet outwardly, they acted as if nothing was wrong, as if they were deeply in love, even going so far as making tentative plans for the future.

   *Thankfully, they're not really serious. Yet.*

   All of them were finding it hard to adjusting to civilian life again after months and years of living on the edge day in and day out; the gang were taking each day as it came, easing back into normalcy by degrees and for once letting the future take care of itself. The only ones who had made the transition relatively smoothly were Adam and Tanya. Their chosen careers meshed well, and for once shy Adam had not hesitated to reach out for what he wanted – Tanya was wearing his ring, they shared an apartment and the two planned on getting married as soon as they were finished with their education.

   Sighing, Jason leaned back, his books forgotten. This whole situation was such a mess … he cared for both Kimberly and Tommy, he had a lot of admiration for Kat as well, but how could he help any of them if they wouldn't tell him – or anybody, for that matter – what was on their minds?

   "I can't do this alone," Jason finally decided. Trini was right, something had gone terribly wrong somewhere, and it just wasn't in any of the Rangers' natures to withhold support from a friend if they could help it. If she could even sense it from a distance … Ergo, it was up to all of them to at least try to get to the root of the problem. *Problems, plural.* Quickly, Jason rummaged for his calendar and checked the time. If he hurried, he just might catch Adam and Tanya still at home; Adam knew Kim and Tommy, Tanya was Kat's best friend … maybe together they could find a way out of this whole mess. Sparing only a fleeting thought for his unfinished assignment, Jason jumped up and grabbed his car keys.

   *Homework can wait; this can't!*

~*~

   "I'm sorry, Jason – I don't think I can help," Tanya said, folding Trini's letter and handing it back to him. "I only met Kimberly that one time right after Muranthias, and while we got along well enough, those few days were hardly enough toget to know her. Besides, I wouldn't know what she was like before."

   "A lot more lively than this summer," Adam contributed, handing Jason a drink he'd fetched from the kitchen. The slim Asian sank onto the couch next to Tanya, sporting a pensive frown. "I hadn't thought about it before – after all, we were kinda distracted at the time, remember? – but Trini's right. It's as if Kim has lost that … that spark she always seemed to have."

   "That's the impression I had, too, when I invited her to go scuba diving," Jason murmured gloomily, sipping his soda. "Only, the way things turned out, it wasn't really cut out to make her confide in anybody, was it?"

   "What happened to you both wasn't your fault, Jason," Tanya said immediately, leaning forward and laying a comforting hand on his knee. "It was Divatox, and Maligore's. You couldn't have known that she'd pick that weekend to try and invade Earth." Adam nodded in assent, smiling reassuringly at his former teammate.

   "Tanya's right, man. Besides, if it hadn't been you, she'd have tried to feed Bulk and Skull to Maligore. Can you imagine them claiming to be his children?"

   "He'd have disowned them right away and spit them out even faster than Kim and you," Tanya snorted, unable to suppress the acerbic comment. "Instead of world domination, all they'd have given him would've been one giant case of indigestion!"

   Startled, the two young men looked at the erstwhile Yellow Ranger, who met their dark eyes defiantly. "Well, they would!" Then, the silliness of the idea struck all three, and they broke into laughter, dispelling the somber mood Jason had brought.

   After a minute or so, Jason sobered again. He picked up Trini's letter and put it back into his wallet, sighing deeply. "That still doesn't help me with what to do about the whole Tommy/Kim/Kat mess, though," he muttered. Debating silently with himself for a bit, he then decided that it couldn't hurt to share some impressions. He knew that neither Adam nor Tanya would carry their conversation further than this room. Still, his voice was hesitant as he voiced his vague concerns for the first time.

   "Guys … please don't take this wrong, I don't want to make trouble for anybody, but … is it just me, or are things between Tommy and Kat not quite the way they used to be, before you guys got the Turbo Powers? Or even should be?"

   His remark was met by a thoughtful silence as Tanya shared a glance with Adam, who shrugged, then smiled a bit wryly. "No, it's not just you," he admitted finally. "As a matter of fact, Tanya said something to me along those lines not very long ago."

   The dark-skinned girl lifted a cautionary hand. "Mind, Kat hasn't said anything to me; actually, the one time I asked about how things stood between her and Tommy, she was positively gushing about how wonderful everything was. It's more in the things she doesn't say that make me think not everything's as rosy as they both want us to believe."

   "Like what?" Jason asked, intrigued. Tanya's remark expressed quite neatly what he'd felt whenever Tommy mentioned his girlfriend in his presence. The right words were all there, but they seemed to lack a certain depth, or conviction lately.

   The ex-Yellow Ranger frowned slightly, trying to pinpoint what was so difficult to define.

   "I don't really know," she mused, remembering conversations she'd had with her best friend. "It's hard to describe … it's almost as if Kat was trying not only to convince me, but most of all herself that everything's just fine between her and Tommy."

   "Like she was just going through the motions? Saying and doing what she thinks she should feel, not what she does feel?"

   "That's maybe a bit harsh, but yeah."

   "But why?" Jason exclaimed frustratedly, jumping up and starting to pace. "I thought that Tommy had put Kim behind him, that he'd come to terms with things. Why else would he have asked Kat out in the first place? From what you told me, Adam, he was almost as bashful about it as when he was in the beginning with Kimberly …" He could still vividly recall Zack's chortling report. Of course, losing the Green Ranger Powers before he even got up the courage to ask her for a date had overshadowed a lot of things, but it had all worked out so well then …

   Adam shrugged helplessly.

   "I really don't know," he admitted. "They certainly seemed happy enough to me, the last time I've seen them together."

   Tanya made a small, involuntary noise, and found both young men looking at her curiously. Jason resumed his seat, waiting for her to continue. Blushing, she squirmed a little, but realized she'd have to talk if they wanted to find a way to help their friends.

   "Well," she said slowly, "I don't know if you ever noticed, Adam, but Kat has had a huge crush on Tommy ever since she met him. Aisha mentioned something like that when she told me about all of you guys, and I could see for myself that it was true once I came to Angel Grove."

   "She had?" Adam was clearly surprised. 

   "Oh yes. Only, Tommy was still with Kim, and Kat never wanted to come between them, or so she told me – especially not after everything Kim had done for her after she'd shaken off Rita's spell. But when that letter came … she might as well have been wearing a neon sign."

   "Really?"

   "Yes, really," Tanya confirmed, just the tiniest bit exasperated. Didn't the guys have eyes to see? "Don't tell me you never noticed that Kat was wearing a necklace and even a sweater with Tommy's Zeo symbol! Or that she was always mooning over him when she thought nobody was looking? Heck, she even set up that romantic dinner with whatshername, that snowboarding champ, to help him get over Kimberly!"

   "Oh boy," Jason muttered. "She must really have had it bad. And knowing how dense Tommy can be at times …"

   "Exactly."

   The former Green Turbo Ranger leaned back, a puzzled frown on his face as he mulled over his fiancιe's words, trying to remember those days. He could call up a few vague impressions, but they'd all been too busy fighting the Machine Empire, coping with a new set of Powers, losing Billy … not to mention that his own attention had been far more concentrated on Tanya than any other girl before or since.

   "I don't get it," he finally sighed. "If Kat was so much after Tommy, why would she now be losing interest? Or he in her? That is what you're both saying, right?"

   "It certainly seems that way," Tanya admitted somewhat reluctantly after sharing a confirming glance with their visitor.

   "Beats me," Jason shrugged next. "When I came back, Tommy already seemed to have only eyes for her." He emptied his glass, then looked thoughtful. "Although … at the time, I kinda thought it was awfully fast for Tommy to date another girl."

   "Could it be that it was more defiance than anything else for him?" Tanya ventured after a brief silence. "You know, sort of to show everybody that he was over Kim, that he could find someone new when she had, too …"

   "Possible," Jason conceded. "If he thought he needed to salvage his pride … or save face … whatever."

   "But what about Kat?" Adam queried. "Even if she was head over heels for Tommy, wouldn't she have noticed somehow that he wasn't really in love with her?" This whole discussion made him vaguely uncomfortable; not only because he was talking about his friends behind their backs, but also because this kind of introspection was very foreign to him – despite his customary sensitivity.

   "Not if she'd convinced herself that he was Mr. Right – that it was more than just a crush," Tanya thought out loud.

   "And not if Tommy was playing possum – hiding from his problems and unresolved issues instead of facing them. Man, I thought we'd taught him to get over that tendency of his!" The first Red Ranger shook his head. "When I think back on how hard it was to get him to talk out his guilt over his stint as the Evil Green Ranger … I'd honestly believed he'd learned his lesson!"

   "Apparently not." Her dry remark made Adam and Jason chuckle involuntarily, and Tanya spun the thought out further. "In any case, looks as if both Tommy and Kat are trying to live an illusion, and now, when they're apart so much – she studying in London, he on the racing circuit – it's beginning to fall apart bit by bit."

   "They're still fighting for their relationship," Jason reminded them, feeling as if his talk with his friends had given him at least some insight into what was going on with his best friend. "I can't help but wonder, though – is that a good thing? And what can we do about Kim? From what Trini said in her letter, she's not as happy as she wants us to believe, either."

   "I don't know," Adam and Tanya chorused, grinning briefly. "Whatever it is, we'll have to let them find out for themselves. All three of them." The dark-skinned young woman was adamant in her conviction.

   "Yeah. And be there for them when the brown stuff hits the fan," Adam added.

   "Eeeeewww!!! That's gross!"

   "True, though." Jason snickered at Tanya's disgusted expression and heaved himself to his feet again. Getting serious once more, he took his leave. "Thanks for letting me come and talk, guys," he thanked the couple earnestly. "At least I know that I'm not totally out of line with what I thought I've seen."

   "You're not. And thanks for taking us in your confidence," Tanya replied, hugging her friend warmly as they escorted Jason to the door. "It's just a shame we can't help more."

   *But they DID help,* Jason mused as he drove home. *Just having someone to talk things over with always does. If only Kat, Kim and Tommy realized that! Well … I just hope they know who to come to when they're ready!*

   Feeling at least a little relieved, he turned his mind reluctantly back towards his homework assignment, postponing giving Trini a reply until another day.

~~***~~

   Kat to Tommy

   "…I've just returned from my vacation trip to the Continent. We were nine people, from all over Europe (well, except me, of course), and everybody played tourist guide to the rest. So, within three weeks, we got to see places that were both touristy and things only a native can show you properly. We took a ferry to Calais, went all the way south through France to the Cτte d'Azure, then drove along the coast to Monaco and Italy. All the while I kept thinking how much you'd have loved driving along the Corniche …those winding curves are a challenge for every driver! And the view over the Mediterranean is just awesome! Anyway, from there we went North again, through Switzerland into Austria, then on to Germany, a quick visit across the border into Denmark, then back to Calais via the Netherlands and Belgium. It was so much fun, but also terribly confusing … a good thing we always had at least one person along who spoke the local language! Oh, I've got to tell you what happened in Bellinzona … that's in Switzerland, but the Italian-speaking part. Anyway, Luigi, who's from Sicily, was trying to show us the absolutely right way of how a Sicilian pizza is prepared, dragged us to this perfectly awful little place, and …"

    Tommy smiled as he read the really quite humorous account of how misunderstandings occurred just because of differences in dialect, and quickly scanned the rest of Kat's letter. He had been on the circuit for nearly six weeks, and only now come back to Angel Grove. His parents would only forward his business mail, keeping personal messages for his increasingly infrequent visits home; maybe not the best way to handle things, but the only way Tommy could think of without having to hire some kind of secretary. And despite his growing popularity on the stock car circuit, he still wanted to keep his private life just that – private. *Good thing the gang all know and accept that.*

   However, it made communication with his girlfriend problematic at times, especially when Kat took off from London to somewhere else, like this trip. Not that he begrudged her the relaxation or the fun, but deep down he would have preferred to know where she was at any given time; no doubt a legacy of the time when his family had moved around so much before settling in this California town that had become his home.

   The truth of the matter was, Tommy Oliver wanted roots. Needed them in a way he hadn't known he did until he'd found a home with his friends in Angel Grove. And while his own current lifestyle and choice of profession was by necessity rather nomadic, he also knew that it was only temporary, not meant to be permanent.

   He searched for and found the snippets where Kat told him she'd missed him, that she had wished to share things with him, and it was gratifying to know that she felt that way, but Tommy still felt curiously unsettled by her message.

   *Something's missing.*