Disclaimer: Saban owns the Rangers. "Naked To The Pain" is by James Bonamy, from his album Roots And Wings.

Author's Note: Sleep-deprivation causes scary things. Thanks Starhawk. :) I think Andros and Zhane could really use their wolffriends around now... :)

The ship was shaking apart around them, but he heard the order clearly.

"We've got to get outta here! Come on! Alpha! Meet us at the Jet Jammer Bay!"

He tried not to think, only to act. To think brought on doubts and regret, and it was far too late for either. Run down the hall to the hangar bay, help to clear the blocked dock door, jump in your Jet Jammer, and get out of there. The first three of these things he did, the fourth...

He watched them all go, Pink, Yellow, Blue... even Red, Leo, had shown up with Alpha. They had screamed at him to get out, but he had waved them on, to leave without him, to save themselves, while he struggled with his Jet Jammers' engines.

The hangar bay was exploding and the flames danced ever closer. He tried again and again to start the Jet Jammer, but it would not work. One of his precious machines was failing him.

*Maybe because you failed her.*

The sudden and still voice rang out above the din of the explosions. He heard it not with his ears, but within his own head. The words were simultaneously loud and soft, and were spoken with a frightening truth and clarity.

*I trusted you, and so did she.*

He jumped out of his Jet Jammer to examine its engines. To his horror he found them totally destroyed, marked by great gaping spiral-shaped holes.

*You weren't trying to leave, were you? You wouldn't leave her alone, would you?*

The voice accused in his head, and he could feel the eyes upon him. He whipped around to find the Red AstroRanger standing there, his weapon of his choice, his Spiral Sabre, in hand. The Red AstroRanger advanced on him slowly, methodically raising his blade. He tried to move away, but found a wall at his back. There was nowhere to run.

*C'mon Damon, whatever happened to going down with your ship?*

The flames licked closer; he could feel the heat even through his armor. And as the final and fatal explosion ripped through the once mighty ship, he heard the voice echo through his head one last time before the darkness claimed him.

*I knew you wouldn't leave her.*

Damon shot up in his cot, his hands clutching at the blankets as he tried to convince himself that he was alive, that he could not still smell the smoke. He tried to calm down, taking deep breaths to slow his racing heart. He glanced around the supply building and found it empty. He had half-expected to see the Red AstroRanger there. It would not have been the first time he had awakened from a nightmare to find the AstroRangers' leader, morphed and standing over him. It was always just a fragment of the nightmare that disappeared as soon as he blinked. That was why he had started sleeping there in the first place.

After they had landed on Miranoi, he had started out bunking with Kai, Leo, and Mike, just like on Terra Venture. But after that first terror-filled night he had moved out. He had somehow made it through that first night without the others finding out about the nightmares he had been having since the final battle. He had fortunately not screamed himself awake yet. He did not want the others to know about his dreams. They could not help him. No one could. He had hoped they would go away on their own as time passed.

But now it was five days later and the nightmares had not stopped. They continued to plague his nighttime hours, while his days were filled with hard work that required much sleep; sleep he was not getting. His days were also filled with hallucinations brought on by his lack of sleep. He wasn't a doctor, but he knew enough to know that having hallucinations was not good, and if he didn't get some rest soon then he would be in serious trouble.

He took one last cleansing breath. His heart rate had slowed and he felt somewhat normal again. Time for another attempt at sleep.

He leaned back on one elbow and gripped the side of his cot. There was one last thing he had to do before he tried to sleep again. When he had had nightmares as a child, his mother had always told him to look under his bed before going back to sleep if he wanted to convince himself he was safe. He smiled at the memory of his mother and the times when she had been there to calm his fears. He knew he had been lucky. Some kids did not have parents there to give comfort when things went bump in the night.

Holding on to the side of the cot, he closed his eyes and rolled over to look underneath and complete his childhood ritual. In his mind he pictured what he should see there: the wall and a metal chest. With one last deep exhale he opened his eyes.

His terrified gaze was immediately drawn to the one object beneath the cot: the slowly rocking Spiral Sabre...

This time Damon really awoke. And this time, he was screaming.

She's not here.

Andros heard his own words repeated back to him. As his Galaxy Glider sped back to Miranoi, his mind replayed the scene that had just unfolded on the moon...

"She's not here."

Karone turned her questioning look from her brother to her husband. "What?"

Zhane's gaze was unfocused, his eyes hazy, as he stared off into the distance. At her question he turned, looking first at Andros and then at Karone. Finally he shook his head, "He's right. She's not here."

"But," she started, but did not continue. Her look finished the question for her, how could she not be there?

"There was only one of them that knew enough to try to-," Zhane began. But Andros nodded curtly in agreement, morphed, and disappeared on his Glider before Zhane could even finish...

He had run. Knowing that Zhane would want to be there too, he had still run off on his own. He had left, hoping to save Zhane any more pain, and hoping his leaving wouldn't make it any worse. They were all hurting, but Zhane appeared to be taking it especially hard. He shouldn't have left him; he knew that. But at least Karone was with him; he wasn't alone. And alone was the one thing neither of them had ever wanted to be. But this was just something Andros felt he had to do. If there was a chance she was alive, he had to know.

"I'm trying, DECA," he said softly. He had been repeating that simple statement over and over to himself during the last five days. Any time his strength had wavered, he had reminded himself of what she had once told him...

He did not know how long he had lain there, crying on the floor of the darkened room. Crying made eyes sensitive to light, and DECA had dimmed the lights of her own accord. The room had stayed that way, for she had never turned them up, ever again.

Eventually the tears had stopped, but he still had not gotten up. He didn't want to get up, he didn't want to move on. He had had so much taken from him over the years, and this was just asking too much of him.

Just that morning, his life had been at least as normal as his unusual life could be. But it didn't take things long to change. At breakfast Zhane and he had been joking around on the MegaShip. At noon, they were fighting for the lives of every person on KO-35, as Dark Spectre invaded, yet again. At two he was screaming and fighting the tears as he frantically dug Zhane's body out from under the rubble.

He didn't really remember bringing Zhane back to the MegaShip. He knew he had done it, but he couldn't remember it. All he could remember was the sympathetic and pitying stares that everyone tried to hide. All the remaining colonists had stared, stopping their fight for survival long enough to see that one of their Rangers had fallen. Andros had felt their eyes watching him as he carried his best friend's body away.

He knew that Zhane's chances of survival were slim to none. There was no way of knowing whether the cryotube could even heal his injuries, as serious as they were. It was a miracle he was still alive, and it would be a second one if he ever woke up. But Andros had to take that chance. He couldn't lose anything or anyone else. And he didn't want to be alone. He had never wanted to be alone.

"Andros," DECA called, piercing the quiet stillness of the room. Realizing Andros' reluctance to answer she tried again. "Andros, Kinwon is calling. He needs to discuss the plans for the safety of the evacuating ships."

Andros stirred, but did not rise. He rubbed his eyes and wiped his face, knowing that Kinwon wouldn't wait. The elder would expect him to go on, despite his loss.

"DECA?"

"Yes, Andros?" Andros sat up, but hesitated to finish his question. He couldn't ask what he wanted to. Wanting reassurances, even from a sentient computer, was probably pointless; DECA would only give him the estimated odds for Zhane's recovery, and he knew those weren't good. He wanted someone to give him hope. But DECA surprised him as she answered him unprompted.

"Andros, the technology of the MegaShip and the cryotube is capable of restoring Zhane's health. You must be strong."

Andros glanced up at DECA's camera, as she reminded him in her own subtle way that he would never be alone, because she would never leave him. She blinked at him, as he sighed, "I'll try DECA." DECA was the only one left in his life that cared; the closest thing to a parent he could remember. He would do whatever she asked. "For you, I'll try."

"For yourself, Andros. Be strong for yourself or you will not be able to be strong for others," she corrected.

He smiled weakly at the camera, listening to DECA dispense her endless advice. He had often wondered when and how she had become so philosophical. "Yes, DECA."

He stood finally, daring to look behind him at the machine that held the barely alive body of his best friend. *Someday Zhane,* he thought, *someday we'll be together again. I haven't given up on Karone, and I won't give up on you.* He laid his hand on the misty glass of the cube, Zhane's body scarcely visible through the condensation. *Neither of us will be alone. DECA will watch over you... like she's always watched over us. We'll all be okay.*

He walked out of the room slowly, half-hoping for Zhane to wake up before he made it to the door. Lingering in the doorway, not really wanting to leave as he stared back at the cryotube, he heard DECA calling him one last time. "I'm trying, DECA," he said as the door slid quietly shut behind him...

"I'm still trying, DECA," he whispered again as his Galaxy Glider arrived back on Miranoi. The pain of loss had come again, and from where he had least expected it. He was trying to be strong, but it was so much harder every time. "I'm trying..."

As he jumped off his Glider just outside the colonists' settlement, he realized the error of his hasty departure. Without asking Karone for directions, he had no idea where to go to find what he wanted. The colonists had been working steadily and had a few permanent and many temporary buildings erected. Andros found himself standing in the middle of fairly good size settlement without a clue of where to turn.

But the night air, formerly filled only with the sounds of the surrounding jungle, was momentarily disturbed by a muffled and brief scream. The voice sounded familiar. It could be whom he was seeking. He headed toward the source of the scream without hesitation and found himself standing outside a supply building on the far distant edge of the settlement.

He balked at the doorway, fearing the disappointment he might have to face inside. But the disappointment had to be better than the fear and uncertainty he now felt. He slowly opened the door and entered the building, his helmet letting him see in the prevailing darkness.

On a cot by the near wall, in the light of a small lantern, was the former Green Galaxy Ranger. He was bent over, his head on his knees, breathing heavily as if he had just finished a sprint for his very life. Andros just stood there regarding Damon as he collected himself.

Andros and Zhane knew Damon well. When they had temporarily lent the MegaShip to NASADA, they had personally interviewed the candidates to be her caretaker. They weren't going to turn even the temporary use of their ship and home over to just anyone. They had liked Damon right away. It had been apparent that he cared about the ship and DECA, and that he had some inkling of understanding of just how much they both meant to Andros and Zhane. He would make sure she was cared for. They had trusted him. And now... Andros shook his head, clearing it of things he would rather not think about. He was here to find her, not to lay blame.

Damon suddenly froze, somehow sensing that he was not alone. Damon looked up at the still-morphed form of the Red AstroRanger, and Andros saw the terror on his face. More than that, Andros saw recognition, as if Damon had fully expected to see him there.

Andros demorphed but did not meet Damon's gaze as he fumbled for his words. Damon was both startled and relieved at the same time. Never in his nightmares had the Red AstroRanger demorphed. And now seeing Andros there with his sorrow-filled and road-weary expression, assured Damon that he was finally awake. Even in the dim lighting Damon could see Andros' red eyes and his heart went out to him, as his own guilt grew.

"Andros..."

"I came for her," Andros interrupted, finally looking up. "You did save her...," he left the statement hanging as a question and Damon could hear the barely hopeful tone of Andros' plea.

"Yes," Damon finally managed, breaking out of his fearful trance. "At least I hope I did. It all happened so fast, and I wasn't sure of what I was doing...," he let his words trail off as he reached under the cot. His hand stopped involuntarily as he flashed back to his nightmare and his fingers brushed the Spiral Sabre's curved surface. Steeling his nerves, he pushed the nightmare away till the Spiral Sabre dissolved with the last of the nightmare. He kept reaching until his hand met the smooth metal of the box. He pulled it out, setting it on the cot. Glancing up at Andros, he slowly opened the lid.

Andros, who had not moved from the doorway, now found himself drawn into the room to peer into the box. He reached in and removed the data disk it held. Inspecting it in the dim light, he saw that it appeared intact. She was there, alive; all that was DECA was on that disk. If they had somehow managed to avoid the multitude of things that could have gone wrong, then she could come back to them.

He continued to stare at the disk he held in his hands. Throughout his life he had been faced continuously with the most hopeless of situations. And yet somehow he had always managed to believe in the impossible. He had always thought that someday life would stop testing his faith, but the trials kept coming. And as he held the disk in his hand, he prayed that at least one of his recently departed friends could be returned to him. It was only when he heard Damon speak that he moved again.

"I'm sorry," was all Damon could think to say, and he knew it wasn't nearly enough. It was true that he hadn't known what he was doing when he had attempted to download DECA onto that disk. Just as he hadn't known what to do with her afterward. There was no computer system on Miranoi that could run her program; she could never live again, not there. But he couldn't just let her die; he knew that 'her children' would come for her.

Andros met Damon's eyes and saw the guilt that was eating at his soul. From his disheveled appearance to the dark circles under his eyes, it was obvious that Damon knew what had been lost that day: the home and family of the Kerovan Rangers, all gone in the blink of an eye.

"You tried," Andros said, feeling the need to offer Damon some peace, but not trusting his voice to say more. For a group of novice Rangers still getting used to space, they had done what they thought they had to. Someone with more experience might have seen other options in the situation. But time had been short, and hindsight was 20/20. He had what he had come for. He knew he should leave now before he said anything he would regret. He wanted to be strong; he had promised her he would be. But it was just too hard.

Then a strange expression suddenly crossed Andros' face. It was the look of someone who had just been startled by a loud and unexpected noise. But there had been no audible sound, and Damon did not notice the look as Andros quickly hid his reaction.

"I need to go," he said abruptly and moved to leave. He stopped when he reached the door. Hand on the doorknob, he turned slightly but did not look up. Instead he looked at the data disk clutched tightly in his other hand.

"Thank you for what you did."

"It wasn't enough," Damon apologized.

"It's more than you know," he answered quietly and slipped out the door.

Once outside his free hand went to his head, as if by holding it he could somehow quiet it. Moments before he had been hit with a blinding flash of emotions and anger-filled thoughts. The initial outburst had passed, but the dark thoughts raged on as if they had been barely contained until then and now were letting their presence be known to all that could hear.

Andros closed his eyes and called to the source of the thoughts, hoping he would be heard over the clamor.

*Zhane?*

****
When I promised you
That I would be strong
It was not a lie
It's just that I was wrong
There's no way I'd ever guess
I'd be so defenseless

I have walls against the wind
I find shelter in my friends
There's some comfort in the wine
If I can sleep it buys me time
I can duck out of the rain
But there's no hiding from the truth
I'm still naked to the pain
Of losing you

I can't build a door
That you can't drift through
When I close my eyes
I still dream of you
Don't you know when you love someone
There's no protection

I have walls against the wind
I find shelter in my friends
There's some comfort in the wine
If I can sleep it buys me time
I can duck out of the rain
But there's no hiding from the truth
I'm still naked to the pain
Of losing you

I can duck out of the rain
But there's no hiding from the truth
I'm still naked to the pain
Of losing you
****

THE END