Archive for November 2012

An Open Letter to Two Month Old Moon Pie

Dear Moon Pie,

You are two months old today! It’s also Thanksgiving, and it goes without saying that we are so thankful for all the joy you’ve brought to our lives.

It feels like yesterday and forever ago since you were born.

You’ve grown so much! People still say they can’t believe how tiny you are, but I can’t help but remember how truly tiny you were when we were still in the hospital with you.

We love you so much more than I ever thought I could love anyone or anything. Now that I’m your dad, I’m realizing that if my parents loved me even a fraction of as much as I love you, I was loved so much more than I ever realized.

Your personality is really coming out now. I’ll never forget how my heart melted the first time you smiled for me. And now, you’ll practically smile on demand. And your coos! You coo all the time. There is no greater sound than happy baby coos.

This was the month where we took you to Day Care for the first time. This is also the month where we got to take you out of THAT day care and put you in a better day care near where we work. This means Mom will get to come breast feed you on her lunch break, and that’ll be better for the both of you.

This is the month where we learned about the dreaded Purple Period. From six weeks to eight weeks, you were one inconsolable Moon Pie from six p.m. until about bed time. Fortunately, you have definitely calmed down, and you are back to being our happy, smiley baby all the time.

We had your first Halloween in the last month.

Today, we’re having your first Thanksgiving.

And Mom has already dressed you up as a Polar Bear, but given this adorable smile, you seemed to like it.

Moon Pie at Two Months Old

(And for comparison, Moon Pie at One Month Old)

Napping in your boppy
Sitting up (with support)
The song Distance by Christina Perri (we put it on repeat in the car until you go to sleep, because it calms you down faster than anything)
Mom’s silly noises
Your new swing

Not being fed this very instant!
Tummy time (although you are learning to tolerate it)
Being alone

Upon making this list of dislikes, we’re realizing you’re a pretty happy baby, and for that, too, we are thankful.

Mom & Dad

P.S. – And because every Open Letter to Moon Pie has to have something a little embarrassing in it, I’ll close with this. When you fart, it sounds like a grown man. Seriously. Thunderous.

Previous Updates – One Month Old Moon Pie

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Afraid to Be Thin Weigh-In

Am I afraid to be thin?

This was a question that recently came up for me in a journaling exercise. I shared it on facebook, got some feedback from a few friends, and basically, the answer, of course, is going to lie somewhere within me, not externally.

So, am I?

I think the answer is obviously yes. I’ve still got some more things to work through.

In a very brief nutshell, this is one of the steps I am using to come to terms with my various issues relating to my body image and my issues with food. I write. It’s almost stream of consciousness. I just put pen to paper and write until I don’t have anything else to write.

Sometimes it’s creative. I create fictional characters and give them my voice.

Sometimes it’s pure internal thought. I start off with what I would say aloud if I were asked my question, and I just let my thought process take me where it will.

I’m still working on it. But I am afraid to be thin. Yet I want to be thin (but not really, if I’m afraid of it). I’ll share as I come to terms with my various issues.

Now, on to the good news…

Another successful weigh-in! (I did not have a weigh-in last week, as I had to miss Weight Watchers. So this one DOES cover two weeks, not one.)

I’d like the number to be higher. That’s another thing I’m working on – being content with my weight loss, whatever it is.

I’m also going to lose weight this week. Even with Thanksgiving around the corner. I plan to lose big. I’ll post on Saturday.

November 17, 2012
Weight: 362.2
Change from Last Two Weeks: -2.0 pounds
Change from Highest: -40.6 pounds

One pound a week. Slow but sustainable. I guess I shouldn’t complain.

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Snowy Vision Board

Do you have a vision board?

A vision board is basically where you collect images that are meaningful to you and the life you want to lead/create/live, in some way.

I’ve decided to start a vision board here on my blog. Of sorts.

I’m always finding things that are in some way motivational to me on my weight loss trek. Some I save to my hard drive to keep, and others, I’m afraid, drift off into the ether, forgotten. I want to stop that from happening, so I’m going to periodically save them here as I find them.

Some are pictures of guys whose bodies I want.

Er, wait. Let’s rephrase that. Some are pictures of guys whose bodies I want to emulate? I dunno; it sounds awkward. Basically, there are guys out there with six packs, and seeing pictures of said six packs can be motivating to me. It helps remind me that I have an end goal in sight, and that while a particular treat might TASTE good, it will stand in the way of me having the body I want.

Other times, it’s a song that strikes me as particular meaningful. Or it’s a movie plot that really nails down why I’m doing this.

Today, for no real reason I can pin down, a powerful insight hit me, and I knew I had found a new theme for my vision board.


I drew a small snowflake on my left hand today. Just a tiny little thing – easy to glance to help keep me on track.

Let me explain.

I live in south central Kentucky. We get snow, albeit not as much as some places. Last year was pretty light with no substantial snowfall. I desperately hope and pray that this winter is a doozy.

I’ve blogged about snow before.

I love the stuff. I think snow is magical. It transforms a boring landscape into a winter wonderland.

Whether it’s a holdover from my childhood, where a snow day meant at least one (if not more) days off school, or just simply the aesthetic qualities, snow is one of my favorite things.

So where am I going with this?

A snowflake is a tiny thing. Small. Literally insignificant. If you try to catch it, it melts on your hand.

And yet… if enough snowflakes gather together, a magical change blankets the world.

It’s the same way with living healthy. An apple over a brownie. Choosing to exercise, even if it’s just a walk, over sitting on the couch. A Nalgene of water over a can of Sprite. Good choices over bad choices. One at a time.

They’re easy to justify. This little snowflake is just going to melt. What’s the point? I should enjoy this brownie.

And yet… when enough snowflakes get together…

Magic happens.

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Find Your Real Happy

I’ve been feeling really, really good lately.

Some of it is the wonderful new addition to my family. (Seven weeks old today, in fact.)

But despite how happy Moon Pie makes me, I have to also say… he’s not why I’m doing this. He was in the beginning, but I’ve recently moved away from that. That makes me stronger, and it’s going to give me the momentum to take this through to the end.

I know this is a permanent change. I’ve been working on my happiness. I’ve been working on feeling that I DESERVE my happiness.

I know there is a fat acceptance movement out there.

I don’t necessarily like it. (Stay with me – I’ve got a point here.)

Fat is unhealthy. It is. The end.

Now, if the fat acceptance movement is about woman accepting that they can be beautiful, healthy people at a size 14/16 and that they don’t need to be a size 4/6 (or smaller), then I heartily endorse that. If it’s about men realizing they can still be amazing and fit without having six pack abs, then sign me up.

Heck, I even endorse the notion that the fat acceptance movement is to create a society that is more accepting and kinder toward fat people. Awesome. We need that.

But a lot of the fat acceptance posts and blogs I have seen are more about celebrating being obese, no matter what someone else thinks.

I like the “no matter what someone else thinks” part. That’s vitally important.

But obesity is not okay. And I speak this as a temporarily morbidly obese person. It has to change. I cannot live my life to the fullest if I am carrying around the weight of a fully grown man on top of my normal weight.

There are as many reasons for why someone became obese as there are obese people in the world.

I really do believe the first step to losing weight AND being happy is two-fold. Step one, determine why you became obese in the first place. Step two, truly convince yourself that you are worth your own happiness (and not in a fake ‘I can do this!’ way but a for-real ‘this is why I am freaking worth it’).

Find your real happy.

I’m not saying it’s easy. For me, it involved a lot of introspection, therapeutic journaling, and soul searching; the process was among the most difficult that I have ever endured.

But it was so unbelievably worth it, and I can’t wait to see what the future holds.

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A Surprisingly Hard Weigh-In Post

I’m okay with the number on the scale. It’s going slow, but it’s going down. I’m still fine tuning my diet, and even though it is VERY slow going, I really do feel confident that I’m going to discover the magic number of points for me to eat to accelerate up to two pounds a week, consistently.

Date: November 3, 2012
Weight: 364.2
Change from Last Week: -0.8 pounds
Change from Highest: -38.6 pounds

I’m feeling stronger literally every day. I now take the stairs at work. The elevator is a distant memory. It’s a nice feeling.

While I’m not quite strong enough to progress with Body Revolution, I did like the idea that I knew, every day, what I was doing. As a result, I made up my own exercise calendar for November. I even built in a few rest days. It gives me a great deal of satisfaction to both just cross off my workout for the day AND not have to decide what I’m in the mood for. I just look at the calendar, see what I scheduled, and do it.

So why is this a surprisingly hard post for me to write?

On October 30th, I got a package in the mail. It’s a weight loss reward. When I get below a certain number, then I get to “keep” it. The package in question was a Blue Power Ranger Hoodie. Don’t judge; it’s awesome.

As a special treat, the manufacturers included a Blue Power Ranger T-Shirt, for free. It was sized the same as the hoodie, 2X.

I typically wear a 3X shirt, but sometimes, 2X fits.

I had the great idea to take a picture of myself wearing the shirt for a once-monthly visual representation of my weight loss. I want to see how my body changes as it gets smaller.

What I wasn’t expecting was the intense reaction from seeing my body in an unflattering, too-small t-shirt from three different angles.

I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t happy for a while.

And then, I relied on some of the various coping strategies that I’ve fostered, several of which I’ve literally developed and created in the last few months.

And I came to terms with it. This is my body. This is what it looks like.

This body is strong. This body carries me through the day. I’ve done a lot of damage to this body, and it still keeps me going. I’m taking care of this body now. Soon, my outer person will match my inner strength.

Best of all, this body helped my wife and I create the best thing that ever happened to us.

But for now, I post this picture without hesitation. This is who I am, unflattering angles, lopsided belly, male muffin top, and all.

Because I am so much more than my body.

And I’m now realizing I should have renamed this post. This wasn’t that hard to post after all. Thanks for reading.

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12-31-13 - 412.0
1-3-14 - 407.0 (-5.0 pounds total)