Archive for April 2012

367 Weigh-In: Friday the 13th

I am now at 367! Actually, I’m a bit below that. Yesterday, my weight was 367.03, but it hadn’t quite reached 367, so I waited, expecting today would be the day. It was, and then some. 366.73. Woo hoo! Let’s see how quickly I can get down to 366.

One pound gone forever! Hallelujah!

Oh, and it’s Friday the 13th! For horror buffs like myself, today is a national holiday.

I’m just going to give a quick hodgepodge of points today.

As you may know, my wife is pregnant with our first child. Our official public announcement of our pregnancy was via a fake horror movie trailer. Well, it’s fitting that today, on Friday the 13th, we found out the sex of our baby. I’ll post a more detailed post in a few days about it. If you are friends with me on facebook, you’ll find out sooner, if you are so interested. And if you aren’t friends with me on facebook, why not? Friend me!

I am dealing with some major stiffness. Some time ago, I was diagnosed with a slipped disk in my lower back. I went to the chiropractor for several months and my resulting leg pain was pretty much eliminated. Well, stiffness is creeping into my OTHER leg, and I expect my weight and related back issues have something to do with it. I’m going to start going back to the chiropractor to see if I can get adjusted. Best yet, I found a chiropractor here in town who addresses more than just physical ailments. She also deals with nutrition, emotional therapy (of sorts), and holistic healing. Yeah, it’s a little granola hippie crunchy, but really… so am I. I’m looking forward to starting that soon, hoping that the combination of losing weight and a few good back crackings might get me back on the right path.

Despite my back pain, I am still making my way through my bracket. As a result of my stiffness, I do have to modify some of the movements, but fortunately, I know enough that I can easily do that without giving up my workout. Yay sweat! I am quite behind in my posting (I think, as of right now, I have three match-ups to post), and in the coming days, I’ll try to catch up.

That’s all for now. Talk to you soon!

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Match-Up #5 – Wolf-Shirt Creeper vs. Russian Tennis Players

Wow. I thought that Cardio Burlesque was the worst workout ever. No. Not even close.

I try to not make fun of people. I really do.

But when I started this first video, Budokon: Beginning Practice, all such pretenses went flying out the window.

I can truthfully say I have never hated a video as much as I hated this one.

I hated the host. Hate is a strong word, but super-hate just looks weird, so we’ll stick with just hate. He talked in a weird, breezy, “I’m white but I want to be Asian” voice.

Did you know that I took taekwondo for four years and that I’m actually a senior 1st degree black belt? Seriously. I’ll post a photo of my belts someday. I’ll admit I don’t train now (as evidenced by my greatly decreased flexibility and lack of sparring skills at the moment), but I trained, very regularly, for a while. In taekwondo, and I feel stupid for even saying this, you don’t HISS when you throw a punch.

What’s that? You’ve never heard of such a stupid thing?

Well, that’s because most martial artists don’t hiss. This guy hisses. He did this weird “sss” sound with every punch. And it was loud. And obnoxious.

Why don’t martial artists hiss? Because if you hiss every time you through a punch, you telegraph said punches, and you will get your butt handed to you.

Between the McDojo hissing and weird creeper voice, the only thing this video was missing was the three-headed wolf shirt.

Oh, and it wasn’t even a good workout. This is my lowest calorie burner so far. I would rather be condemned to only doing the Marky Mark Workout and Cardio Burlesque for the rest of my life than having to do this video again.

So, the other workout in this match-up was Biggest Loser Calorie Knockout. This video was produced sometime during season 12, as it stars Russian tennis sensation Anna Kournikova.

Heck, I burned more calories putting this DVD in than I did during the Creepy Wal-Mart Taekwondo Workout.

This video consisted of kickboxing (Anna), cardio (Bob), and strength training (Dolvett). It also…

Geeze, you know it won. By a landslide. Is there any point in going on?

Yeah, Budokon lost. I think my DVD player caught herpes just by having this DVD in it. Worst workout ever.

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My Reason #2 – The Vanity Fantasy

Part of the reason that I blog is because I have words stuck in my head that I want to get out. It’s the same reason that I write. I’ve been a writer since I was probably 8 years old. For a lot of years, the protagonist in my short stories and novels were a lot like me.

They were the me that I wanted to be.

They were always roughly whatever age I was when I was writing, they were always fit, and they usually had a girlfriend. They weren’t the point of the story. It would just always be a healthier version of me who had been abducted by aliens or fighting ghosts or trying to save a magical world with newfound magical powers and fighting skills.

Now as I’ve gotten older, I’ve changed my protagonists. In fact, in the novel I am working on currently, my protagonist is a 15 year old girl. In a short story that I go back to from time to time, it’s an old black man. The protagonist is no longer me.

Well, at least physically. I believe every author puts some of themselves in their main characters, but that’s not the point.

The point is that I have always had a very certain look I wanted to achieve.

That look was muscular. Fit. Healthy. And happy.

I’ve accomplished the happy part. I just need to work on the others.

There are days when sheer vanity is what drives my workouts. I literally dream about the day that I can pay thousands of dollars for abdominoplasty. I know it will be necessary. It might even be necessary for health, because I am still almost 200 pounds overweight. That much excess skin could lead to infections and chafing and other problems that, while far less severe than weight related issues, still won’t be desirable.

So even though I’ll have a few scars on my midsection (I’ve heard good plastic surgeons can hide those scars in your pubic region where they’ll be hidden by underwear), I know what I ultimately want to look like.

I don’t know what the future holds. I know I might get to goal weight and a six pack of abs just isn’t in my genetics. And if that happens, I’ll redefine and still be happy.

But for now, almost 200 pounds away (188, to be exact), I can dream about what I will look like. I can fantasize about a rippled midsection (with muscles, not fat – I’ve already got that one), a chiseled back, and 19 inch arms that aren’t flabby but are solid muscle.

Is it realistic?

Dunno. I know most people don’t look like that.

Is it doable?

Yep. Some people do look like that, and I know they put a lot of work into it.

Will I do it?

Yes.

I will someday have the physique of a men’s fitness model. That is a big bold claim, especially from someone who spent over a year in the 370s. I realize that.

But the idea of being that fit, of being discovered and getting on the cover of Men’s Health (don’t laugh – this is my fantasy), of looking down at my abdomen and seeing only muscle… that’s what drives me at times.

Health, fitness, longevity… Those are all great things, and I want them to.

But some days, I just want to be hot.

This afternoon, as I get my workout in, if I feel tired in the midst, I’ll think of taking off my shirt on the set of a photoshoot and knowing that they’ll only need to photoshop out some scars… that’s what will lead me to finish. That’s why I packed a carrot to go with my lunch instead of a brownie.

Am I alone? Am I the only one driven by vanity? Even if I am, that’s okay with me, but I bet I’m not. What’s your vanity fantasy?

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368 Weigh-In: The Easter Aftermath

Physics Diet has finally given me the reward of ticking off one more pound on my average weight. In fact, this morning, with today’s weigh-in, I am now at 367.92.

If you aren’t familiar with Physics Diet, you may think it sounds like I only lost one pound this week. I did not. In fact, my weight dropped from 369 (the start of my Physics Diet experiment) to 366.2, a loss of 2.8 pounds. For me, that’s freaking awesome. Heck, for anybody, that’s freaking awesome in my book.

I’m still quite content to celebrate my one pound gone, though. As time progresses, my Physics Diet numbers will speed up until they have “caught up” with me. Basically, as I enter more data points (i.e. – daily weights), the system becomes a little more accurate. I’d wager that my next pound will come a little quicker than one week.

You can see in the chart below that my weight (the bottom of the green) is a bit lower than the average (the black line).

But regardless, 369 is gone! Goodbye 369! Goodbye and good riddance! You will no longer torment my joints and make me sweat. And in the next two years, I will say goodbye to 189 more of your brothers. (Holy crap, 189 is a big number. I need to lose more than I want to weigh.)

I’m pretty proud of myself for surviving Easter. Easter is usually an excuse to eat a lot of chocolate bunnies and, my weakness, the Cadbury crème egg.

My indulgence this weekend? A handful of jelly beans.

Screw you, not-so-good-tasting chocolate bunny! (Seriously – they never even taste good. Maybe I’m a chocolate snob? We’ll talk when Godiva makes bunnies.)

My next indulgence? Well, my birthday is in exactly ten days. I plan to celebrate my birthday without binging. Besides, 34, 33, what’s even the difference? I’ve never been a huge birthday person anyway. My mom did all the work on that day, anyhow. I just showed up.

I do have a babymoon coming up in a few months. (For those not in the know, a Babymoon is a lamely-named last solo vacation parents take before their first child is born. We’re going to San Diego!)

So, San Diego might be an excuse to binge (or at least eat too much). For this vacation, I pledge to do a LOT more exercising than usual and watch my food intake. I want to weigh less when I come home than when I left. Let’s see how that goes.

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The Video Substitution

There has been a video substitution. One player has been forcefully ejected from the game; another player is taking his place.

I didn’t want to do this, but I knew early on that it might be a possibility. Several of my videos (some of which are still weeks away in the bracket) are available only on Netflix Watch Instantly. I know that their library changes regularly, so a workout that I have planned for game 27, for instance, may not be available by the time that roles around.

However, today’s change is occurring for a different reason.

I am ejecting a video workout for being dangerous.

Billy’s Ultimate Bootcamp, hosted by Billy Blanks of Tae Bo fame, is kicked out. If he had any other videos in the bracket (he does not), they would probably be ejected as well.

The video will be replaced, at Tina’s suggestion, by Yoga Booty Ballet.

So, why the change?

In the late 90s, along with every other fat person on the planet, I tried Tae Bo. This was before I had gotten into martial arts, before I knew much about exercise, and even really before I knew much about anatomy and physiology. I tried one of his workouts and I injured myself on the very first day. I injured myself so badly I had to go into physical therapy for a few weeks. Seriously.

My complaints with Billy Blanks’ videos?

They do not feature an appropriate warm-up. This in and of itself is not necessarily bad. Research shows that static stretching before a workout can actually be harmful. (Dynamic stretching is a different beast altogether and IS recommended pre-workout.)

The exception to the no-warm-up rule? Explosive moves. Explosive moves, when used in a workout, should be prefaced with dynamic (moving) stretches. A little marching or jogging in place. Some gentle punches. Slower movement versions of the explosive moves about to come.

So, what does Billy Blank’s workout (both the old Tae Bo and this BootCamp video) consist of? A few minutes of STATIC stretching, followed immediately by explosive moves.

That is an injury waiting to happen.

Fortunately, I know better. I had a trainer that taught me better. In pursuit of my ACE personal trainer certification (coming later this summer), I’ve educated myself. I’ve taken anatomy and physiology classes. And perhaps most importantly, I know my body.

If I were a teenager and not overweight, I probably wouldn’t worry about it as much. But I’m not. I’m a morbidly obese 33 year old. My body can do some amazing things, and there are even days where I consider myself an athlete. But at the same time – I know what I can and should do, and I know what I cannot and should not do.

For what it’s worth – this video falls into the should not video. I have the physical ability to do the explosive moves he was doing. I’m just not going to sacrifice my health for a workout. Ever.

So, Billy Blanks is removed from the bracket. His workout videos are no longer allowed here. I want to get healthy and fit and become an athlete, not show how tough I am.

Have you ever stopped doing a workout because you knew/suspect it would lead to injury?

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Weigh-Ins
12-31-13 - 412.0
1-3-14 - 407.0 (-5.0 pounds total)