I really hope I’m not the only person out there who remembers these.

These were popular when I was in 2nd through about 4th grades. I loved them. I collected as many as I possibly could. I had, without exaggeration, probably two or three thousand of these cards.

When I was in fifth grade, I donated them to a fundraiser at school.

Some days, I still hate fifth grade me for doing that.

But time passed, as it does, and that passage of time brought about an amazing thing.

eBay.

And in the late 90s, I went on eBay and bought more GPKs than I had in the first place.

With the advent of the internet, I discovered that there were rare misprints, limited run cards, and more “gotta get ‘em all” cards that I never knew about in the mid-80s. This appealed to the collector in me like you would not believe.

And around 2001, I lost interest again.

This time, they did NOT go to a fundraiser. They went into storage. I was advised by someone “if you want a girl, and she comes to your house and sees binders and binders of Garbage Pail Kids on your bookshelf, she will leave.”

In my early 20s mind, I translated that to “if I collect Garbage Pail Kids, I will never get laid again.”

Well, here I am, now in my thirties, and these cards have always kind of lingered somewhere in the dark recesses of my imagination.

But a thought occurred to me the other day.

I was doing a pretty good job of collecting these when I had a college student income.

Now that I have a for-real grown-up’s salary, I could actually complete my set!

Some weekend very soon, I am going to my parents’ house, I am digging my old GPK binders out of storage, and I am going to start collecting again. Expect a play-by-play here on my blog, especially as soon as I’ve actually got my hands back on actual 80s memorabilia again.

But this post isn’t just about me wanting to begin collecting Garbage Pail Kids again.

If you aren’t familiar with these gross little stickers, know that they were very boy-centered humor, depicting grotesque bodily functions such as death and decay, urine, vomit, and just plain nastiness. My parents didn’t censor them from me, but I do have very distinct memories of some friends whose parents did not allow them in their homes.

To tie this into weight loss, because most things in my life end up revolving around the desire to be healthier in some form or fashion, I wish I could go up to 8-year-old me, the one who was already quite pudgy and inactive, and just have a talk with him. I’d like to let him know how much healthier and happier he could be. He wouldn’t have to stay in his room and collect Garbage Pail Kids, musing that “At least I’m not as fat as Large Marge.”

I would tell him, “You don’t have to play sports. You can be active in other ways. And don’t try to find friends in a Snickers bar.”

But I can’t. All I have is right now and the future, and even though I’m holding on to a piece of my past with these gross stickers from almost three decades ago, I plan to carve out an amazing, healthy, fit future for me. And my Garbage Pail Kids will sit in a shelf in my office while I’m out living life as hard as I can.

So, before I leave you with just a string of some of the random GPKs I could find surfing around the internet at 9 o’clock on a Sunday night, let me just say this.

These things are gross. If you are a sensitive person, view at your own discretion. But if you are a child of the 80s, then sit back and enjoy.

Related Posts:

• No Related Posts