July 1, 2011
376.3
Change from Highest = -26.5 pounds

I gained a pound over the course of June. I know why; I ate too poorly and didn’t work out as much as I should. Work was just too hectic, and unfortunately, I did not make my health a priority.

Big mistake.

The year is half over. Not only am I not halfway to my goal for the year, I’m heavier than I was January 1st.

I have two jobs – one of them is in mental health. I work with therapists professionally on a regular basis. From sitting in on my client’s sessions with their therapists, my own coursework, and a lot of professional reading, I feel like I can safely say I know a fair amount about therapy. (Please note – I am not a therapist.)

That being said, I must come to this conclusion.

For some reason, up to now, being fat has worked for me. That isn’t saying I enjoy it or I want it to stay that way, but being obese has been a useful strategy for me in some way.

Protection.

Safety.

Control.

I’m currently reading the book Breaking Free from Emotional Eating by Geneen Roth. On her blog A Merry Life, Mary has mentioned this author a few times, and I thought I would check her out. I’ve been hesitant to read her for some time as she is not a therapist; she is merely a writer, teacher, and former fat person who has been through therapy and was sharing her insights.

I regret putting off reading her for so long. She may not be a therapist, but she knows her stuff. Aside from the fact that it is a very female-centric book, it feels like every chapter is about me. The fact that it is female-centric isn’t off-putting to me, but I would like some type of acknowledgement, even in a footnote, that, “Oh yeah, men can have eating disorders, too.”

I’m keeping a journal, reading this book, and I’m working on my issues. I’ve worked through them before. I have to stay diligent this time and keep working on them. In the past, it was a romantic relationship that imploded that caused me to stray. That also tells me that I clearly was not where I needed to be. However, my romantic life is amazing. My wife, Tina, is my best friend and supports me in everything I do. We grow closer together every day, and knowing that I have her undying support and love will definitely be a powerful asset as I grow into a healthier person, both physically and mentally.

Right now, my goal is to learn to eat when I am hungry and not in anticipation of being hungry. That’s going to be tough; I’ll share my thoughts on this journey to better mental health from time to time.

But anyway, why is this a paper crane weigh-in?

Have you heard the Japanese belief that, if you fold 1,000 paper cranes, you’ll get a wish?

This is crane #1.

My wish isn’t to reach goal weight. That’s the kind of thing I can do myself. I’m not sure what my wish will be. I’ll let you know if I ever decide.

I had Tina take a photo of me this morning for good measure before we went to the gym to work out. I plan to document my appearance regularly; nothing shows weight loss better than photos. (I am also now aware that I need a haircut. And pardon the workout clothes, but I don’t dress up for the gym.)

Fortunately, I have a healthy weekend planned. No BBQs to mess me up this time. What are your plans for the weekend?

Related Posts:

• An It Worked! Weigh-In
• Wishing Weigh-In
• A Nerd Fitness Six Week Challenge Weigh-In